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  1. I’m one of the those best friends that was completely clueless and totally useless. My advice did make my best friend feel worse, you’re absolutely right on that one. Reading your article made me feel ashamed of myself, but it was also a wake up call..
    I pray that every Muslim man and woman find their companion that gives them both the comfort and peace they need.
    Thank you for another one of your wonderful articles.

    • Out of personal experience, I can safely say you’re hardly useless or clueless. You’re a source of motivation and inspiration for so many people Julia…
      Plus you’re the first one to comment, and that makes you extra special :)
      Amen to your beautiful du’aa. May Allah grant us peace, and grant peace to those who wish us peace.

  2. My darling Lilly!
    I have missed you!
    I kept reading each line and thinking…it has to be Lilly..where have you been? Need to follow you on twitter asap!
    Jazakallahu khairan for another well scripted article that mirrors the thoughts of us all.
    You are loved for Allah’s sake!
    Mwaah!

  3. I love love this article and the writer, excellent write up ! Forwarding right now to a particular sister of mine that has tied her happiness until when marriage comes. Insha Allah, I pray this gives her some hope.

  4. Jazakallah khairan for this wonderful piece. I happen to fall in the ‘single and really couldn’t care less’ category as long no one pesters me over it. I recognise that I’m suffering from the ‘white Arabian horse and huge diamond’ syndrome and an unhealthy dose of fear of the unknown. I guess I’ve been obsessed with the half empty glasses. Astaghfirullah. I pray Allah assists and provides for all single ladies. Thanks again.

    • I’m pretty sure we all suffer from this syndrome at some point in our lives.
      I know I should reply with the expected, calming wise words but I think I’ll just say what I feel right now.
      I wish Allah would send you the right man to sweep you off your feet on a white horse with a huge diamond ring loool. This is my du’aa for you Coolthoom and I know Allah will accept it soon inshAllah.

  5. I found aspects of this article highly offensive. I don’t see how tolerating abuse in a relationship could ever be turned into something positive.

    • Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuh,

      Sister: I do not believe that the author implied that women should succumb to abuse and try to beautify it with lilies. Abuse in a marriage would be listed underneath a completely different topic and you should perhaps look a bit more into that. Long story short, though, is that domestic violence or otherwise is completely forbidden in Islam. :3

      As for what sister Lilly said, I believe that she meant to refer to those sisters to have not-so-perfect husbands. In other words, she advises those who only look at the inevitable, imperfect aspects of marriage and ignore any barakah and blessings within it. :)

  6. I got married at 31, after about 4years of honest searching (and I say honest bcoz prior to that I was just hoping mr-principled-muslim-like myself or mr-goodlooking-amazing-character-colleague-to-convert-to-islam would propose to me..). Alhamdulillah, I made LOTS of dua but remember to be very specific in your duaa. After marriage I had to wait another painful 5yrs to have children..all the while being compared to and reminded how old I was, compared with if si was having a boy or a girl etc etc
    Now random people tend to write on groups on ‘how old will you be when your eldest is 10yrs..?!’

    Oh I make dua for this community, for myself, my chidren and all those single/married ssrs and brs out there.

    Stay strong, stay principled, true to yourself, and make specific and loooong duaas to Allah swt..prefersbly not in front of worrying mommy who will get more worried about your long sujoods ;-)

    • Assalam Aleykum!

      Thank you so much for this article. My story is like of one of the sisters. I have been praying for Allah to bless me with which is beneficial for me in this world and the hereafter. Recently, one guy proposed to me in a very Islamic way. I’m worried because I am more successful, intelligent, and a bit older than him. Kindly advice me. I am worried we are not compatible.

      • Venosa I can totally understand why you’re worried! But I like to think of him coming to propose after you praying for what is beneficial as a good sign, no?
        Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said the most important thing in a groom is his “Deen”
        Do you feel this guy fears Allah and has good manners? Do you think he is mature enough to help you become a better person, and support you financially and emotionally?
        Give yourself a chance. Success comes and goes, but good people are like gems, they’re priceless…

  7. I am so in love with the article.I have met few guys who have no intention to make me as his wife.He showed that he is not ready for commitment and i cant stand with this kind of man.Later on,i prayed to Allah in every dua after solah,so that Allah will give me a spouse at the right time,and we’re both are ready.Alhamdulillah,ive met a guy who have been secretly prayed that i will the one for him without me knowing it.InsyaAllah,may Allah bless us and may our marriage will get Allah’s blessings.Aamiin.

    • Congratulations sweet heart! I love the part where he was praying for you to be his wife, that’s so romantic :)
      May your lives together be filled with love, joy and peace. Amennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

    • Mind sharing how do you meet this particular guy? That was so cool of him doing that.

      P/s: Sorry if I seem busy-body. Lol. I am just interested in how Allah plans each of our love stories.

  8. ASSALAMAOALAIKUM

    Really helping article i was doing some tips but was not sure about them ( are they right or not ). ALHUMDULILLAH after reading your article i found them right..:)

  9. Ma sha Allah…A well written piece of advice…really nice…
    I must say…Tahajjud ,dua and sadaqah…will definitely increase your faith…and your strong faith will lead you to keep enormous patience…
    And when you have patience…then singleness becomes blessing…
    Jazakallahu kheran kaseera…

  10. This is so apt…I needed this article right now. Sometimes you feel like you try to do everything right and nothing works out. You live a chaste life, no clubbing, no partying and yet no spouse and you see the people that do the exact opposite of what you do and they end up settling down and you wonder to yourself, what have I done to offend Allah? Why is He depriving me of happiness? Yet we forget that no prayer made to Allah is left unanswered. This article serves as a reminder. جزاك اللهُ خيراً

    • Oh my God Mounirat, my jaws dropped when I read your comment!
      These are the exact words one of my characters says in Season Two of ‘Inside The Therapist’s Office’
      It’s like you’ve literary hacked my brain :)
      Thank you so much for your honest comment and please stay tuned for more ;)

  11. Thank you i needed to read this. The last part hit me hard, that i’ve forgotten Allah’s mercy and kindness, that surely he wouldn’t want a surest muslim woman to flounder in depression. May we remember Allah’s love and be blessed with pious husbands, insyaallah.

  12. It’s a wonderful article indeed but for a single and miserable girl and I genuinely loved it…
    It’s my personal request that…I want to know more about what Islam says about single girls who want to stay that way forever… Pls
    Jazakallah khair

    • Thank you for your comment Zainab
      Well, Islam does not obligate you to get married, especially if you don’t want to. Except Allah created us with the basic need for companionship and motherhood.
      Being single doesn’t make you any less of a Muslim. Marriage just helps you lead a more fulfilling life by curbing temptations, giving you a chance to support your husband emotionally and raise great Muslim kids who might grow up to make a difference and give you more hasanat with their prayers and good deeds.

  13. Jazakillah Khayr my beloved sister ! This article changed my entire perspective !! I fall into the “single and miserable but trying (or sometimes pretending) to be happy” category hahaha. I’m a very positive person, but loneliness just sucks; constantly thinking about “when am I going to get married?” made me forgot that I’m the only person who can make me happy & that my future husband can only make me *happier*. So I now realize that I have to work on myself, invest on my own well-being and on my relationship with Allah !

    I also try to stay on the halal side very much, I never dated and don’t plan to do it ever, may Allah protect us all from haram relationships! It’s not always easy, when you see those on the haram side getting married, but alhamdulillah I put my trust in Allah. Your words are so reassuring: “Stay on the right path, where there is no secrecy or shame, and the right guy will appear on it.” ! I want a good husband, so there’s no reason to look for him somewhere else other than the straight path :)

    May Allah grant us all – single ladies (and single males) – a pious loving kind wonderful spouse and a blessed marriage, may He grant us God-conscious children, rizq and Jannatul Firdaus. Assalam aleykum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu <3

  14. Subhanallah! I absolutely loved this article; from the humorous tone and the stunning simplicity of the advice given. Barakallahu Feek.

  15. Masha Allah as always very inspiring and comforting piece. Jazakallah khair. I have been smiling all through while reading this beautiful and motivating words especially on the last paragraph, it really gives hope and lighten up the spirit.

  16. Assalamu alaykum sister Lily Mohsen,

    Masha allah tabarak allah fi ilmik, May Allah SWT increase you in beneficial knowledge.
    Jazak Allahu Khayran, this was a beautiful, well written reminder with great action steps & thank you for the dua .
    It was a much needed reminder and Iman booster for me.
    I also took some notes down so I can come back and refer to it :) .

    Sincerely, Elaf Suliman
    P.s keep up the great work :) :) :)

  17. SubhanaAllah! I’m so glad Allah guided me to your naseeha; we all, married and single ladies, need to be reminded to be grateful to Allah ta’ala, and be patient. I’m definitely gonna share this.
    May Allah grant you success and jannatul firdose, Ameen

  18. Jazakallahu khairan sister, as always a truly ispiring and beautiful article…touched my heart and I really dont get it how you find out everytime exactly what your readers need, and btw it doesnt even feel like its an article it feels like you are directly talking to each one of us(oki..getting a biy crazy..)…ure the best!! May Allah bless you and your family!!

    • This is one of the best comments I’ve ever got! I’m so grateful Munni
      To be fair, I do work with an amazing team of editors who give me topic ideas. And I do love my readers from the bottom of my heart so maybe that’s why the articles are truly from my heart too :)
      Thanks again for this big huge smile :)

  19. Even though I am not single and neither do I quietly contemplate murdering my husband :) I just loved the article.

    Jzk
    Saima

  20. Lovely, relatable article, alhamdulillah. Jazakillahu khair to the writer. A few words to add – good women are for good men and good men are for good women. [An-Noor 24:26] This may not always literally be the case but let’s take the positive side. In order to get/earn/attract a good spouse, why not utilize this single period to constantly improve ourselves? Of course, our intentions need to be lillahi taala, but the prospect can act as a boost too. :)

  21. I’m a single woman and I always believe that Allah SWT is really protecting me from getting into haram relationship. However, it is not an easy path for me throughout the years to calm myself, persuade it to stay happy and and to feel that I’m blessed whenever I see most of my friends are in special relationship. Thank you for this article cause it really helps me to love and value myself even harder. Inspired.

  22. I think this article , although specifically aimed at single women, creates a couple of offensive/cringe-worthy points. Marriage is not a solution to anything. It’s a choice you make on how you want to live. Yes, marriage is encouraged, alhamdulilah- but so are lots of very important aspects of character building, being a productive member of society, importance of a good education (both secular and religious) and so on. Being in a loveless or abusive marriage is not simply about ‘taking back a key to happiness’ or ‘seeing the glass half full’ or ‘being grateful so that Allah can bestow more blessings’- they are very serious psychological, physical and emotional issues. It is extremely hard and next to impossible for some of our sisters (and brothers) who are caught in abusive environments, to actually muster any skills, mental energy, courage and sometimes, even overcome a sense of despair, to attempt to ‘take care of oneself or love oneself first’. And unfortunately, our community seems to have an increasing number of these situations. All of us- men and women- need to be appreciated and respected for who we are, and we need to be loved and accepted. Marriage is a serious contract, that you have to go into after due diligence, and thinking with your eyes wide open. Be prepared to want to work hard to put your best self forward, and to work as a partner for your relationship. The institution of marriage needs to be respected, with a level of maturity that it takes to be a partner in someone else’s life and forge a future, a family together. It’s not a ‘cure’ for loneliness or something you do so as not to cross the ‘decency-line’ or something like that. There are a lot of important points that the author raises in terms of self-care, being productive etc- and those are well appreciated. (To those who might think I am a crabby old person who suffered a loveless marriage, I am not. I am just wary of anything that at any level, suggests to our youth that marriage is any form of walk in the park, without it’s share of hard work, maturity, sabr, intelligence and perseverance.)

  23. Assalaamu alaikum Lilly ur parents are very lucky to have daughter like you …Masha Allah…and u are also very lucky to have such supporting parents…..I believe

    • You have no idea how touched I am by your beautiful words Nimi
      And your right, my parents are the biggest blessing in my life. May Allah keep all our parents safe, healthy and happy. Amen

  24. I really love this article,just really described how I am feeling right now and gave me the right points to feel better. jazakillah khairan sis for this wonderful article

  25. Baarak Allahu feeki Lilly, especially for the reminder about coupling patience with gratitude. A winning combo :) May Allah gift us the insight to build our relationship with Him as a foundation to our relationship with others aameen Allahumma aameen

  26. Inspiring? Nay. That’d be an understatement.

    Amazing article, mash’Allah and it got me hooked to every single line (which often quite hard to achieve.) In a sense, I guess I could relate to it…only because I am that useless friend that throws in awkward pieces of advice every now and then. XD
    Jazaki’Allah’u kahirun sister for such a wonderful, purposeful yet humorous article. I do love your style, masha’Allah. Keep at it. \(^-^)/

  27. As salaamu alaykum,

    Thanks for this article Lilly! Definitely not one for “all the single ladies”, but I really like the section about women keeping the keys to their own happiness. I’d like to add that in Islam. your gender has no impact whatsoever on whether or not you can propose to someone. (Six years is ridiculous!)

    P.S. Not really sure what female “feels like” or why it’s reliant on males. In the absence of males, like in single-sex schools or gatherings, do all those female just feel less so? ;-)

    • Loool no I think you misunderstood Ayesha
      It’s not the mixed environment of males and females like work and school
      It’s how things are defined by opposites. Imagine if the whole world was just women. Or just men. You need extreme opposites to define the differences.
      I know it sounds a bit confusing or even debatable. My research for the question “what makes you feel like a woman” took months, and the answers were all very surprising :)

  28. I think in some of the Asian countries after a girl reaches a specific age people torture her so much asking too many questions and coming up with irrelevant suggestions regarding marriage. And the major requirement is that men should be taught about mahr and the Muslim society should try to abolish this dowry system which is against our Islamic teachings. Allah should guide those who value a girl only based on her wealth and status. Ameen

    Alhamdulillah this is a beneficial article. May Allah bless all of us with righteous partners. Ameen

  29. Assalamu alaikum,

    I found this article really interesting. i remember craving for marriage when i was happy alone just because some relatives used to make my status look disgusting. Now married i am not happy as i were before. i believe whatever Allah swt does is for our good but in sha allah after reading this article i will charge f my own keys and be happy. I pray Allah grants all single sisters pious husbands.

  30. Pray tahhajjud
    Make lots of Dua
    Work on your relationship with Allah
    Keep yourself busy especially your mind
    Give charity or volunteer for a good cause
    Meet new people
    Seek knowledge about everything especially about the life of our prophet pbuh
    Work hard , learn new things, and save up your money!
    Spend time with your loved ones- help them, treat them kindly and give them presents
    Fast and look after your health
    Read Quran regularly
    Talk to your friends and do things together

  31. Alhamdulillah. Very nice article. its true that if you make sabr after seeking Allah Subhan Allah Ta A’la’s kind favor, surely Allah will help you. Allah is most forgiving and most loving (Surah 85:14).

  32. JazakAllah Khairan, the article is absolutely amazing, the style of writing is excellent as it contained different issues from single to married ladies and more! Thank you so much for your effort and for my ladies out there, just be grateful and it’ll return back to you inshallah !

  33. Salam! Jazakillah khairan for this article. I like it.

    What are your thoughts for a man and a woman who engaged in a relationship and drifted from the halal ways. Upon realizing their mistakes, they’ve made taubah and keep a distance from each other for years, they don’t talk to each other but still love each other dearly. They both want to get married to each other but the parents refused to give their blessings because they know of the couple’s horrible past.

    Thank you :)

    • Wow! That’s a tough question 😁
      Okay first let me clarify this is my personal opinion and I’m not a “scholar or mufty” of any sort!
      Now I can’t imagine why the parents wouldn’t want the couple to fix the mistake with marriage. I have to assume there are much stronger reasons for this disagreement.
      All I know is that marriage against parents’ will always ends horribly. And if this couple would have gotten married right away, they would have felt forced or ashamed or felt less of themselves and that might have also caused the marriage to end horribly!
      This waiting period is a blessing. It’s a chance to heal, calm down and start anew.
      My advice is for both of them to read Surat Al Hajj every day for forty days (I know it helps solve situations like these) and then the man can go propose properly again to the father of the bride.
      May Allah help them, and heal the pain only He knows about.

  34. MashAllah beautifully written article.. Actually I live my life being single and its pretty good bcoz my family is the biggest love for me, but yup when I am at university and see other couples caring and protection each other I feel very alone. But you really motivated me and once again gave me the strength to be happy for what I have.

  35. a very beautiful article Ma sha Allah.. a soother to many aching hearts of single girls who are waiting to get married.
    The entire period of searching for the right guy, going through rejections and loneliness is a very tough phase and you have given beautiful advises to overcome this phase with positivity.
    May allah reward you with the best in this world and hereafter.

    PS: I love your writing style. You keep the reader engaged throughout. you must be a brilliant psychologist Ma sha allah.

  36. Maa shaAllah…beautiful article sister…Just to add a few…Allah is the best Planner and His plan is the best. If you are still waiting for the Mr Charming maybe its because Allah wants you to perfect that hijab you’ve been meaning to,..or finish that Tahfidh you’ve been working on..or do that Taalim course..
    so bottomline is you never know..just makes your dua and trust in Him alone..
    To all of us single ladies May Allah grant us spouses who will be coolness of our eyes and to all the believing women may He grant us happy and prosperous marriages…Ameen

  37. This is a well written article, jazak Allah khair,but I thibk something single sisters should remember is you cannot jdut wait for that man to walk into your life. We’re told to tie our camel, meaning, put in the effort while you trust in Allah’s timing for you.

  38. I liked your upbeat tone and no, I don’t think anyone is keeping that much of a watch on the word count :P Jazakumullah khair for handling this topic.

  39. Masha Allah, excellent article. I wish people around the single girls read this one. They are the most annoying people and more concerned about others ‘singlehood’ than their lives.

  40. Managing singlehood with something to keep you constantly busy is the best way. Always read, be creative, develop a hobby, go play a sport, enjoy hangouts with friends and turn each of your activity in the form of an Ibadah. That can happen with a good intention at heart. May Allah swt make it easy for all of us. Ameen. <3

  41. Jazaak Allahu khairan for publishing this article.
    This really made my day. I feel so confident and motivated after reading this.

  42. Me, a 26 years old single Muslim ladies. What I did was further studies. Well, by doing this, at least I fill up my time with knowledge and at the same time meet up with more people. 😊

  43. Subhan Allah 💝 It’s really amazing .
    Girls in Pakistan are going through a lot of stress due to this myth. JazakumAllah khair for this article .

  44. Asalmualikum! WoW you write so beautifully .The way you write i SERIOUSLY am in love with it .Also you seem so sweet .May allah bless you .Although i fall into the happily single category but deep down i keep dreaming about the one on the white arabic horse with the diamond ring lol.;) :p .

  45. It’s really a useful article in today’s world. Please do publish your article in this current issues and topics which will be a great help to build a bright future.
    Thank you

  46. Asalamu alaikum!

    I have been on productive Muslim for about five years now, this is my very first time commenting. I have to admit that I never came across such a well written article(or is it because I can relate to most of the things mentioned lol). Thank you, for breaking it down for us, I really loved the advice you gave us and of course your sense of humor . I am happy to have come across this when I needed it the most. May Allah reward you with Jannah. I think I’ll be printing this out and read it every night before bed lest I forgot the golden advise.

    • Ria, your words had such a huge effect on me….
      You have no idea how readers’ comments bring joy to us writers. You guys are all such an amazing blessing…
      You really warmed my heart with you comment Ria when I needed it the most and I’ll be forever grateful. Thank you so much.
      All my love

  47. I like someone for about 5 years now. He’s my first love. I lkke him because of his personality especially his faith to Allah.I know he feels the same way as I do. He was my instructor in humanities 1. For past 2 years, he always smiled and say “hi” to me. When I came back, after 1 year…He always avoided me but I caught him looking at me. Last day, we talked about school matters but we really don’t talk. While we were talking, he was staring intensely. He never tells me that he likes me though and I know he do. He was just avoiding fitna as I am. I know he is not ready to get married because of financial matters. Should I expect, assume and wait for him? Or just hope and pray? Or just forget about him? But I really like him, he is a good practicing Muslim.

  48. Assalamu alaikum sister,
    Thanks for such a nice article.It simply made me smile and feel hopeful.
    Jazakallah sister.

  49. This article is so true about many of us giving up hope.

    But I think Allah himself answers our question on life saying that He created us so that we worship him and for nothing else.

    So if He is not giving marriage right now it does not mean the end of life because it’s not our final purpose.

    But we tend to always forget that because of our insecurities and social pressure.

    Thank you for speaking about this issue.

  50. Amazing i love the article. iam a married girl yet loved every single word in the article especially the part of it is not what you see but HOW you see things.

  51. السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
    It’s not the first time I am really enjoying a Productive Muslim article but my first time commenting.

    To the writer of the article:
    Surah an Nur deals a lot with marital psychology and family life as well as sociology. Studying the Tafseer of this Surah can
    ان شاء الله help you in your work.

  52. Sister Lily, Chapeau for this masterpiece.
    Both single and married sisters have their ups and downs in their respective lives. So the relevant moto is: lots of prayers, sabr, duas, tahajjud to lighten their tasks in this prison life of ours and to thank Allah for all that He has decided for us. May Allah bless us all.

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