[Family Life – Part 1] Tips on Building a Productive Muslim Household

[Family Life - Part 1] Tips on Building a Productive Muslim Household | Productive Muslim
Photo by Viktor Hanacek: picjumbo[dot]com
This is the first of a series of 3 articles providing you with successful tips on how to make your family life and home more productive. This series will explain 21 ways to help your household become happier, more peaceful and thus, more productive. We will begin with the first 7 tips that will contribute to a productive household, In sha Allah.

What is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve that produces a benefit for the individual, his family and the community at large? It is the realization of a happy, peaceful, and productive household.

Although having a productive household is one of the most fulfilling and beneficial aspects of this life, it is often neglected as a goal to aspire towards. One is indeed remiss in failing to make a happy and content household a primary goal. It is well known that strong productive families are the foundation of healthy civilizations. Sound families are also what help make individuals within families healthy mentally and emotionally. It is quite apparent that a productive household is one of the primary goals one should wish to attain. It should also be an ambition towards which one directs his or her children as they mature.

What are some of the ways in which you can achieve a happy productive household? Here are 7 ways you can start today!

1. Put Allah First in Your Life

If you do not have a good relationship with Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), you will not have a healthy relationship with your family members. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) tells us how to behave with one another. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) tells and shows us how to behave with one another. If we do not fear Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and have the hope for His reward, we will have little motivation to do some of the prescribed recommendations from Qur’an and Sunnah, which contribute to a more enjoyable household. This is particularly the case when the requirements or suggestions do not suit our personal goals or interests.

Putting Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) first in your life empowers you to think of every situation in the context of His guidance and in terms of the akhira. This means you pick your battles wisely, behave with tolerance and seek to understand before being understood.

2. Be Forgiving

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in Quran:

“Whoever pardons and makes reconciliation — his reward is [due] from Allah.” [Qur’an: Chapter 42, Verse 40]

“… and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?” [Qur’an: Chapter 24, Verse 22]

The ones who can hurt you the most are your loved ones. They are the ones to whom your heart is attached and you are closest. Because of this close relationship, you expect and desire more from them than you would from distant acquaintances or strangers. For these reasons, when you are slighted by a loved one, the pain is more severe. However, when you keep in mind that your forgiveness of their mistakes is not for them, but for you, by gaining Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He)’s pleasure and your reward from Him, the task of forgiving becomes much easier.

Maintaining a forgiving disposition enhances your productivity because you prevent your mind from becoming a war zone for past slights.

3. Smile Often Around Your Family

Jarir bin Abdullah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) never refused me permission to see him since I embraced Islam and never looked at me except with a smile (on his face). [Bukhari]

According to hadith, the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) also said: “When you smile to your brother’s face, it is charity.” [Tirmidhi]

How do you feel when you see someone smiling at you? Does it make you want to smile back at them? Does it put you in a better mood? Does it soften your heart some? One of the simplest ways to make your home more productive is by putting on a cheerful face. Of course, this can certainly be harder to do at times, particularly when there are unresolved problems and uncomfortable tension in the home, but the greater the difficulty, the greater the reward. Keep this simple heart softener in mind.

By smiling, you can “trick” your brain into feeling content  and contentment enhances productivity. In addition, smiling is infectious  so you automatically improve the general mood of your entire household by this simple act.

4. Cook Homemade Meals

You may be wondering what cooking has to do with a productive household. Well, it is not the cooking act itself. It is what is associated with cooking a meal and what accompanies a home-cooked meal. Think back on when you were young. Do you recall your mother’s or your grandmother’s homemade dishes? Do you remember them cooking your favourite dessert or dinner? Do you remember smelling their fresh baked bread, cake or cookies?

Food has an effect on all five of our senses. We nurture others with food. When you cook a delicious meal for your family, they have something enjoyable to look forward to. They have something pleasurable to participate in once the meal is complete. When you cook meals for your family, you are demonstrating your care and love for them.

5. Avoid Getting Angry

According to hadith, the Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” [Ahmad]

If there is a main ingredient that contributes to lack of productivity in the home, expressing one’s anger might be it. When one is angry, he loses his sense of rationale. He may spurt hurtful words, abuse others physically or even kill loved ones. And in the aftermath, once Shaitan has fled, he is filled with regrets. Avoid making your household a house of horrors, by taking heed of the Prophet’s ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) suggestions on how to alleviate anger.

According to hadith, the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.” [Tirmidhi]

Additionally: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” [Al-Albani]

Also the Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.” [Al-Albani]

6. Be Patient With Your Family’s Imperfections

One of the best ways to help you avoid becoming angry with your family members is by being patient with their imperfections. Not one of us on Earth is perfect. We all have our faults. Our children sometimes talk disrespectfully to us. Our womenfolk may not dress as modestly as they should. Television, movies, and the computer present countless inappropriate images and examples to which family members are continually exposed and misguided. Keeping this in mind can help us avoid reacting brusquely with our family when they err. Instead, we can direct them toward proper behaviour through our own example and by gentle reminders. The rewards of struggling to be patient are enormous.

“You who believe! Endure and be more patient… and fear Allah, so that you may be successful.” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 200]

“Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.” [Qur’an: Chapter 39, Verse 10]

“And be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient.” [Qur’an: Chapter 8, Verse 46]

The one who practices patience with his family will be rewarded for his restraint. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) will also be with him, and who better to have as a helper in this world? Having the ability to be patient and acting on this restraint is one of the greatest blessings from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).

Being patient aids your productivity by putting a lid on rough emotions, maintaining peaceful ties, and also by providing a form of spiritual purification.

7. Make Dua for Your Family

The above points are all helpful in helping us attain a happy and productive household. However, we must always remember that all success comes from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). It is crucial that we remember to ask Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to bless us with a happy and loving family. He has power over all things.

Every family has its own unique situation with family members and circumstances. So of course, each of us will have our own distinct dua to make to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) for our families. However, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has given us general dua from Qur’an that we can make for our family as well. Here are some of these duas:

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqun.” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

“O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 38]

“O my Lord! Make this city (Makkah) one of peace and security, and keep me and my sons away from worshipping idols.” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 35]

“O my Lord! Make me one who performs As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat ) and (also) from my offspring, our Lord! And accept my invocation. [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 40]

Also, the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) used to say for his grandsons Hassan and Hussein:

“I seek refuge for you two with Allah’s perfect words from every Shaytan (devil) and poisonous creature and every evil eye.” [Bukhari]

May Allah bless us all to achieve one of the greatest blessings, achievements and goals of this world: A happy productive household!

The next article will cover 7 more helpful tips that can help make your home happier, more peaceful and more productive, In sha Allah.

Which of these tips have you found to be most effective? Which ones do you struggle with? Let us know in the Comments section below!

Read the other parts: (Part 2 | Part 3)


64 thoughts on “[Family Life – Part 1] Tips on Building a Productive Muslim Household

  1. SubhanAllah, this article has appeared just when I needed it. Reading it uplifts your soul and brings hope to those who are dealing with their own hectic lives. May Allah swt bless you and reward you for sharing such kind words.

  2. AS-salam ali kum. This is very Good . i am very happy with this . Know i am very angry with my Kids . i came back from Home. know i am in Office. when i came & open my mail. i first Note about your Artical . this is very Good as per my think .
    Please let me know about . how to be with Kids. when they start telling the same they want it.
    second is that when i go home they start telling that . she did like that she did first no she did first . in this i will be very tired of lisening this from past some many time. i have told them when i come home please dont start this.
    Please let me know how to be with my family . Please pray for me & my family & kids
    thank u
    As- salam ali kum
    Mohammed Saleem

    1. Wa Alaikum Salam Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatu,

      Masha’Allah, I’m pleased to know you benefited from the article. In general, remember to be kind and gentle with your children. When you come home from work, they are very happy to see you and each one wants your special attention. Here is a famous hadith that tells how the Prophet (saw) acted around his young family members:

      “The Prophet (saw) kissed his grandson Hasan while Aqra’ ibn Habis was sitting nearby. Aqra’ said, ‘I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.’ The Prophet looked at him and said, ‘Those who show no mercy will be shown no mercy.'” (Bukhari)

    1. Assalamu Alaikum,

      One of the best ways to learn how to avoid reacting brusquely is to find someone who regularly responds to their children or others in a gentle manner and emulate this person’s mannerisms as often as you can.

      Also, read hadith and the seerah to discover the numerous examples of how gentle the Prophet (saw) was with those around him. Model yourself after the Prophet (saw).

  3. Man sha Allah !! These are Very sunnatic productive tips for any Muslim household. As usual the tips are well tailored to suit the audience being addressed. I pray Allah reward you for this noble effort, in this World and in the hereafter amin.

  4. jazakumAllaahu khairan…well written and sahih! a little comment. point6: The kids sometimes talk…the womenfolk sometimes…yes. no mention of ‘the husbands’, Hm. Given this is scribed my a male, i guess it is an oversight…(overlook, Allaah says) “the husband sometimes clicks ‘porn’, sometimes ‘raises him hand’,sometimes;…”. dear brother, the abuses are many. Yes , WOMEN ARE NOT PERFECT, THEY ARE FROM THE CURVED RIB…please, could you address the husbands on abuse, PLEASE ? verbal, physical, emotional…wasalaams…may Allaah set right the situation of the women and youth of this ummah.
    jakhALLAAH all the same.

  5. Shukran Jazillaah team for such an inspiring article, all are easy to follow and adjust but for this….Be Patient With Your Family’s Imperfections…its a little bit tricky n not easy to accepttheir mistakes…but after reading this tips l shall try to accommodate them and everyone else ln shaa Allaah for the sake of Allaah as no one is perfect except HIM.

  6. Assalamalaikkum, This article is very good for all of us, regardless of age, profession. May Almighty help and bless us to lead our life acceptable to him.

  7. Djazak Allahu kheiran! Great reminder. How to make dawa to parents best? who are prejudiced about practising muslims. They think that you should just believe in Allah in their heart and all the rest (salah, sawm, etc.) is not obligatory. And all practising muslims are just extreme.
    Also, they both are went through surgery and I am scared that I have limited time. I didn’t do dawah by tongue, I try to be good to them, do what they need, and just tell them things that I don’t, like not celebrating New Year, eating ony halal meat, etc.

    1. Assalamu Alaikum Sister Suheilya,

      You are doing one of the best things a Muslim can do to guide a family member to Islam. You are trying to be a good example. Although your family may not express it, they do take notice of your upright character. People often hear others speaking from a moral podium. But they don’t often see others truly following what they teach. When they do, they are more likely to take closer notice.

      If you are uncomfortable verbally speaking to your parents. you can also try giving them Islamic literature to read. A little pamphlet or booklet about the pillars of Islam or tawheed in particular would be benficial.This way, they can read at their leisure, if their interest is aroused. You want them to learn tawheed in particular because this is the essence of Islam.

      Your time to give dawah is not over until your parents have returned to Allah. So never give up trying to impart Islam to them in whatever way you find most comfortable. Sometimes people are most receptive when they are close to returning to their Lord.

      And of course, never give up asking Allah to guide your parents. He is the One who guides and changes the hearts.

  8. Assalamu alaikum. I feel happy reading this article although I have not married yet but I find all the 7points very vital from fear of Allah to prayers for the family. I also like cooking which inshaAllah I will try my best to be helping my wife with not only cooking but other house work. For the prophet S.A.W also help his family and he’s the best sherperd to his family. Once again Jazakallahu khair for the article. Looking towards for the part 2 and 3

      1. What a nyce piece of advice on building a productive home, its easier said than done may we read and try to implement what is good for our family. Shukran jazillaah for sharing

  9. Assalamalaikum . Jazak Allah khair for this wonderful article.I believe that Practicing
    Patience and controlling anger are two main ingredients for a peaceful household.
    May Allah SWT help us achieve these two qualities . Ameen .

    1. Wa Alaikum Salam Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatu Sister Maryam,

      Thank you and Jazakalakhair for taking the time to share your thoughts. Ameen, to your dua.

      Your Sister in Islam,
      Grandma Jeddah

  10. I find this article useful. May Allah help you gain paradise with ease (amin). Being patient is a gift of Allah may Allah endow us with it. Please how can someone deal with the spouse that always take his wife to be stupid? May Allah be with all of us and makes our family extend to Janaat amin.

    1. Bismillah Arahman Araheem

      Assalamu Alaikum Sister Latifat,

      Thank you and Jazakalakhair for your kind words and dua. Ameen.

      May Allah reward you for trying to find the best way to manage your marital problems.

      First, make sure when you approach your husband to discuss issues, it is the most suitable time. Try a time when he’s in a good mood and when he’s not being critical of you. This requires a lot of patience, I know. But you are more likely to find him receptive at these times.

      Also, try your best to make sure you are doing things that please him. Dress up and look nice around the home when you can. It can be a challenge when you have to run after little ones, cook and clean. But this small gesture can make a huge difference in your husband’s demeanor. Try to fix him his favorite meals, and even try to do what he is criticizing you about. I know it can take a lot of effort, but it is well worth the effort.

      Your marriage is extremely important and well worth the effort to make it work. You will find women and employees in general who will bend over backwards to please their boss in a work environment, but make little effort in deferring to or trying to appease their spouse. Being married is a blessing from Allah. Many people dream of being married. Put all your effort into being patient with your husband. Only Allah knows what type of mental pressure, childhood experiences or insecurities cause him to act in the way he does. Be his comfort and his rock.

      You might like this article: How to Keep a Successful Marriage (From:Living Islam, By: Imam Moustafa Zayd)
      http://successfulmuslimmarriage.blogspot.com/2014/11/how-to-keep-successful-marriage.html

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