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  1. Very true…..generally people who get angry r not in thier senses…n if not tackled it turns into a syndrome for them which settles permanently…many families r ruined coz of ths…

  2. May Allah(swt) give me the strength to follow this…We see the damage happening but it’s so diificult to control!!let’s try this Insha Allah

  3. I need help brothers and sisters. My family have pushed me over the edge over a petty issue. It ended with my older brother getting involved for no reason and smacking me in the face and pushing me into a cooker. My parents lectured me as I was the youngest of the family and now they are acting we are happy families again. I understand the need to let the anger go, I understand that respect must be shown to elders and parents. But what about respect to the little guy?

    My family is blinded by tradition and it is almost ruining my life. Speaking to my dad is not an option as he is stubborn as it is. My brother does not pray and does a lot of illegal things. I can talk to my mum but she has no power or say over the family. I feel trapped and angry at my family. Of course I have asked Allah for help and I will continue to do so. But I really need to know, how are the young ones in the family supposed to be treated by their elders? I am in every right to be angry with my family because they have let a petty issue get out of hand, resulted in me facing the consequences and now we are back to acting like happy families.

    And now because I am ignoring them, they are making it out to be that I am the bad guy in this whole situation. It is infuriating to say the least. It has affected my personal life and my work life. People are seeing a distant version of me and a very stubborn one. I hate being like this but I can’t help being like this.

    • Assalaamualaikum Br. Aziz,

      First and foremost, may Allah reward you immensely for your patience and for your willingness to turn to Him despite what you are going through. You are correct in that just as the elderly deserve to be respected, the young do as well. There are many examples from the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) which illustrate the kind, patient and loving nature he displayed towards children and youth.

      As such, your feelings are most definitely understandable. To be wronged by others without any acknowledgement of it is undoubtedly a difficult scenario to smile through. Now with that being said, I do think it’s important to strategize on what CAN be done to positively change your relationship with your family. Remember, a situation is 10% action, and 90% REaction.

      You mentioned that it’s difficult to speak to your family but in order for there to be change, the problem has to be addressed. Tell your parents how you feel – if not verbally than through a letter or an email where you can freely express yourself without any interruptions and worries.

      It’s also important to remember that sometimes, there are behaviors and situations that we just can’t change – no matter how much they irritate us. However, this does not mean that we shouldn’t make the effort to do so. I always say – do your best and let Allah do the rest :) So when you make dua to him, make it with sincerity and then trust that He will answer it in a manner that He sees fit. And make dua for your brother as well because even though you can’t change his ways, Allah most certainly can as He is the turner of hearts and can guide whomsoever He chooses – no matter how hopeless their current condition may seem.

      Additionally, since you mentioned that your anger is having a negative impact on you as well, have you thought about how you can channel these emotions into something productive and positive? For example, hardcore exercising (e.g. kickboxing cario or an intense run) are excellent stress relievers! As well, consider having a diary, writing spoken word, sports or something else that you can “go to” when you find yourself getting angry. The prophet also gave us excellent advise in how to deal with anger: “If one of you gets angry and he is standing, then he should sit down until his anger subsides. If it does not, then he should lie down.” (Abu Dawud). He also said, “Anger is from Satan, and Satan was created from fire. Fire is but extinguished by water, so if one of you gets angry, he should perform wudu’.” (Abu Dawud)

      But know as well, that this life is going to be filled with difficulties and hardships. We’re going to be mistreated and dealt with unfairly. But Allah is aware of what you are going through and will definitely make up for it all by rewarding you for the way you positively handle the situation – and a reward from Allah is DEFINITELY not worth jeopardizing :)

      Lastly, let me leave you with a verse from the Quran and two hadiths:

      “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an, 2:153).

      The Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” (Sahih Bukhari)

      “If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.” (Sahih Bukhari)

      p.s. know that patience doesn’t mean sitting passively! Patience implies accepting Allah’s decree, having full faith that He is doing what is best for you, and continuing to do your best to bear the situation until it becomes easier :)

      Hope this helps, in sha Allah!

      May Allah make easy for you your difficulties and reward you for your patience, in sha Allah.

    • Assalaamu ‘alaykum br. Mohammad,

      I pray you are in the best of health and imaan.

      The question you asked ‘What is the purpose of our lives?’ is such a fundamental and important question. Why?

      Knowing that we are created and will be returned to our creator gives us much to ponder about as to what our purpose is. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

      Here I would like to mention a few verses from the Holy Quran that address this subject:

      “And to Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is over all things competent. Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding-Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], “Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” Surah Al Imran: [189-191]

      Our purpose becomes more clear when we have a goal set in our minds allowing the purpose to fit in line with this goal. In this case Jannah being our goal, to worship Allah swt.

      This refers to every aspect of our lives as Islam is a complete way of life. So just the way our day is planned, we must ensure it is done so in the most effective manner so that we are productive and making use of each moment with the best of intentions to ensure that we are rewarded for each and every action.

      Here is an article which you may find useful: http://www.sultan.org/articles/purposeoflife.htm

      I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. :)

      I pray Allah keeps us steadfast and a benefit to ourselves and others around us.

      JazakAllah Khayrun

  4. Assalamualaikum. I don’t know when you will reply this. But i just want to ask you is that why even if we perform our solat, we recite Al quran and ask from Allah swt hoping that our anger would fade away but none of these helps. Why?

  5. Alhamdulillah. A beautiful and effective article with beautiful comments. May Allah reward you for the great work which productivemuslim.com team are doing. Ameen.

  6. Please help me I did M.B.A and having job experienes but after marriage I have decided I have to lookafter my husband and motherinlaw fatherinlaw.my huband family is very big family 35 people I worked hard all alone at home they came here after one week. And stay there for months with there children nobody help me they treat me like a donkey my three yet girl and two year sink cry all time coz of workload I can’t get time for them even in my first and second pregnancy they treated same even dr told me for bed rest but no my husband said I need my mother and sister brother you hav to work for them even in this situation when dr suggest me for bed rest I cry alot and did work all day his sister with five child was there his brothers family all 35 people and only me.five yr marriage and I did all this yet am DOI g but no rewards my children disturb today both have high fever nobody cre they need just work one time i can’t stop my self i said why you people are doing this my husband beats me alot.my motherin law always pumped my husband to beat me even i work them all day like donkey they just sit on bed and i present breakfast dinner lunch for them on there table during work my child cry some time they hurt themself but nobody look then care them all day i work under pressure.i cry ask help from god .they sleazy me telly torture me my husband did what his mother say at the age of 32 i am using dipression pills.due too this heavy work pressure plus me rely tourture two months before i misscarriage.i lost my baby even on that painful day i did all my work .now i easily get hyper don’t hav enrgy for tolerance in frustation i beat my two yr child three yr girl they….please am at this peak level dr said in last two pregencis i did not take rest this time i get inner weakness and i lost my baby even then they need work not me.my husband dnt care don’t have words to write more

  7. Alhamdulilah am glad that almighty Allah doesn’t refuses my request, he doesn’t allow my boss to humiliate and disgrace me all because i was owing him some money i used for the successful operation of my mum. Thank you brothers and sisters in islam… Today i realize that almighty Allah never betray islam.

  8. All the tips are interesting ones.
    But ability to be Patient for the angry person is Allah’s Grace. But if one can do it (to be patient) most especially to just keep silent for a moment is going to assist alot. May Allah give us the ability to be PATIENT in all the pressing issues(Amin).
    DLAP®

  9. Subhanallah,
    THank you for the message, it help us a lot to our journey of life in Islam. MAy Allah grant all ummas to be patient and calm always.

  10. This helped me feel better , I was about to get super angry a minute ago , Thanks for helping those who need this kind advice