ProductiveMuslim.com

Join The World’s First Online Personal Development Academy
For The Muslim Ummah




Start My First FREE Course

Join The Discussion

    Leave a Reply

    You have to agree to the comment policy.

  1. Peace. The Truth Helps. True words are the best blessings. It’s ego (the fool) that’s doing all the hurt, though. Thus, submit yourselves in Islam. Islam is true humility. My real past pain was self sin. Not caused by him, her, or them. Please forgive 15:85 but remember only Allah Forgives sin. We need to get off of others and look at our own sin. Shirk. Ego worship a.k.a arrogance is the most unforgiven sin. Our soul account is open and active 24/7 til the end. Repent or die tryin. Laa ilaaha illaAllaahu. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaahi rajioon. Subhan’Allah. Astaghfirullah. Audhoobillah. May Allah (ta’ala) help us repent. Ameen. Insha’Allah. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    [Day of judgment] [Day of judgment:no one can avail another] True self concern is self reproach.

    Qur’an 80:37 Each one of them, that Day, will have enough concern (of his own) to make him indifferent to the others.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  2. Al salam Alaikum

    Thank you for talking about this great topic!! Truly, forgiveness is needed these days.

    On a side note, ss the author’s name Jihan or Jinan? Because at the beginning of the article, it’s Jihan and at the description at the end it’s Jinan… Maybe a typo error :S

    Jazakum Allah khair :)

  3. Assalaamualaikum, forgive me for any spelling mistke as typing frm phone. I was wonderinring if there was any ayahs or hadith or sayings of the salaf abt what forgivemess is, hw does one knw when one has forgiven. Alhamdulillah this article has answered thst question for me but I just wanted to knw if there was any wise words of our pious predecessors. Because they wld say those kind of things in the most amazing and heartft way. JazakAllahkhair

  4. Assalamualaikum wr wb.

    JazzakAllah khairan for the article. Was just pondering this topic and found this on Productive Muslim!

    Often when we are told by our teacher about virtues to espouse, there is often lacking practical tips. One thing I’ve found on Productive Muslim is a translation from the abstract to practical in a modern context.

    Anyway, I’d like to share a practice that helps me. After every salah, or in a quite time, I close my eyes and focus.
    First I do the dua preliiminaries (tasbeeh, durood, astaghfar, surah fatiha, blessed names of Allah, etc).
    Then I ask for Allah’s help, as I’m forgiving for His pleasure.
    Then relevant Qurani or Masnoon duas (for taqwa, ya muqallibal qulubi sabit qalbi ala ta’atik , etc)
    Then I visualize the person in question, anyone I’ve had even the slightest isssues with.
    Then I pray for them, and visualize lots of love pouring out of my heart to that person.

    I personally do the visualizations in many different ways, like focusing on Allah’s love healing both hearts, etc.

    This helps me to actually forgive, and you feel your heart much lighter. The bigger the issue, the more often it has to be done.

    Personally I find actually performing an action in this way helps the process of forgiveness (along with scribble and burn, etc).

    A purely intellectual forgiveness doesn’t seem to work.

  5. A salaam aliakum, very beautiful article its given me a great insite on how I should deal with my present situation. My question is do you tell people who have hurt you

  6. What if there is a case of domestic violence or your husband drags you out of the car after a verbal disagreement / argument and you end up bleeding on your legs, your belongings get thrown out, you get shouted at and this is outside of your home in broad daylight, anyone can see this!!

    It got to a stage when you have to run for help as your husband who cares very little just goes back into the home. Some non muslim person helps you and allows you to use their phone to contact the Police.

    This happens in London, UK not a Muslim country….so tell me, how can a wife learn to forgive this sort of domestic incidence? and happens frequently after marriage….??

    Are you going to tell me that Shaytan is trying to intervene and split the couple up?

    These are serious matters and its painful especially if you are just small in stature.

    Please reply with some feedback.

    Jazakalah Khair

    • Jenny, Since no one has answered in over a year, I will give you feedback (and I hope you are doing well). When the article says this, “However, forgiveness does not mean that you cannot learn from the trial. It doesn’t mean that the person did not do wrong, nor does it justify what they did. If you trusted someone and they betrayed your trust, forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust them again if they haven’t given you reason to. You are able to treat them well, without resentment in your heart, but if you learned something about their character, you should keep that in mind when dealing with them.” I believe it is answering your question.

      I love this article, it reflects my beliefs exactly even though I am not Muslim. I tell my students that forgiveness does not mean you have to let someone back into your life or keep them in your life. If someone is harmful to you, you do not have to repeatedly submit to abuse from that person. Many people bundle being with someone and forgiveness as if they are inseparable. They are better when you separate the two. For example, let’s say someone has a sibling who has gotten into drugs and every time they see the sibling they either steal from them or they bring unsavory characters into contact with them to the point where they do not feel safe. You can forgive your sibling, but not see your sibling. It does not mean you no longer love your brother or sister. It means only that you do not want to see them or spend time together. You can forgive them for taking the path they are on, we all have our own path, we are all human, we all make mistakes. But you have the right to decide if having a particular person in your life is right for you, or not.

      Also, if you understand the connection between emotional state and behavior (when someone’s emotional state is low (grief, depression, despair, disempowered) their behavior is worse when their emotional state is happy, hopeful, joyous, or eager, their behavior is better. No one who acts the way you describe your husband acting is happy. If he were happy he would not act that way. Only he can make himself happy because happiness is about the perspective one takes about one’s life–not about the actual life.

      Good luck to you. I wish you the best. You may wish to talk with your religious leader about what you can do to improve your situation.

  7. Asslamualaikum brothers n sister I am really in
    situation of do n die my husband has left me
    n married nonmuslim women 12yrs passed by
    friend of mine woh is married came in my life
    he cheated me now I m totally scattered plzz
    suggest some dua so that I come out of this
    situation sometimes I am unable to concentrate
    on my salahh plzz help me so that I can gain my confidence to come out of it

    • Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu ukhti. I apologise for the very late reply in advance. You’re situation touched my heart. I don’t have dua but I have suggestions. A sister recently advised me to tell my worries and situations and hopes to Allah and Allah alone as though I am whining to a friend. You see, this helps you build the connection between the servant and the Lord. I know it may seem pretty hard but Allah is testing you and putting you through difficult trials to see if you worthy of being of those who preserved in this world and entered Jannah. You could make a dua to ask Allah to give you a stronger back so that you may be able to deal with the trials of this Dunya. During your prayers I believe that you should think about all that Allah has blessed you with and then you should feel more grateful and also realise that your situation doesn’t mean you let shaytan sever the connection between you and Allah. I ask that Allah sorts out your worldly affairs for you and that He purifies your heart for you.

  8. I love word forgiveness but I am so hurt that my best who I trusted and took care of her betrayeded by stilling from me all my my marchandise witch she was suppose to sale for me, I have been crying to Allah and saying ( has is Allah wa nima el wakill i can not forgive I want Allah to take care of her. I am a good Muslim and I am hurt

  9. So what about if someone has broken a promise or agreement?

    Someone asked a huge help from me and offered something else in return. I agreed and went to huge lengths to help them, and then they just stop returning calls etc and avoided fulfilling their end of the agreement.

    Should they be forgiven for witholding the huqooq? Can I hold them to account on qiuyama?

  10. Salamu Alaykum, thank you so much for this wonderful article..May Allah reward ur efforts with the greatest level of paradise..However,my heart sometimes becomes very hard to forgive..And it holds grudge sometimes as well even though I always search for article similar to this in other to improve myself but to no avail..I pray to Almighty let this beautiful article of yours change this bad attitude of mine and even make me much closer to the Him(Allah)..Finally, my dear Muhammad I beg you and whoever will read this message to pray for me become good muslim that can forgive easily and forget.Thankyou

  11. Assalam aleikum,

    Jazak Allah Kairan,indeed an ointment on my bruise psychological sense;About 4 years ago I was terribly insulted and hurt by my flatmate,although I had tried to forgive him but all my efforts to do so went futile.I used to mutter cuss words all the time and could not wash away the stain of hatred that got settled underneath my hear and soul.
    Fortunately,after reading this thought provoking Islamic write-up I am feeling a bit better.I have also read an amazing valuable write-up on the Web Portal(Decodingeden),believe me it had resounding impact on my bruise mind and heart.Albeit it is never easy to heal the wound instantaneously,but soothing effects of the article written by Ardiane Fatima has deep rooted impact on my psychological self.

    Allah Hafiz
    Sayed Faiz Tanvir