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  1. Salam El Leh Kum, Hanan (Mashallah, what a beautiful name).
    Thank you for writing this article. We lost our little girl, Maryam (8) whilst on a family holiday abroad in August of this year. My husband and I along with our son are coping ok. One thing that keeps me going in particular is keeping a cheerful attitude and allowing it to override my pain. It helps me to patiently preserve internally as hard as it is. It is difficult at times but I allow myself to cry when I feel a wave of emotion take over and Alhamduallah I’ll immediately feel better. The best advice I can give is to say “Alhamduallah” these words alone helped me thru the entire ordeal, every step of the way (all thanks to Allah and then to my sister in law) who kept reminding me to say it over and over again. It bought a level of peace that I cannot explain even though in front of me I saw something that was beyond my comprehension. Alhamduallah reading sura Al Kahf every Friday helps to again set in that reminder that all things happen for a reason. At the end of the day we are all on a track to see our Rabb and inshallah we will all be reunited with our loved ones. That is the focus now and I’m trying ardently to do the best I can until that which is promised comes to pass. Maryam (may Allah bless her) has gone ahead of us and is with her grandfather. Alhamduallah she is waiting for us. Alhamduallah we are not going to leave her behind but she has gone ahead and for that I say Alhamduallah. All praise and glory belong to Allah subhanallah ta’Allah. He is the most compassionate, kind, loving, caring, gentle and he is able to comprehend all things. Alhamduallh.

  2. Many a times the loss of a closed one also becomes a testing time for our faith. In our agony we start questioning Allah(swt) and at times na auzubillah also get angry with his plans. It becomes very crucial at such delicate moments to remind ourselves that Allah does not put a soul through a hardship that it cannot cope with and He will replace our loss with something better. Also someone’s death is a reminder for us that it is only a matter of time before we join them. It should thus stimulate us to prepare for our aakhirah even more vigorously.

  3. Yes …jazakallah.3 days before my cousine’s husband passed away.they have 3 kids;aged 9, 7 and 3.it’s unbearable when that 3 aged toddler cries finding his father….

  4. Jazak Allah Khairan. I recently lost a parent and out of the numerous blessings of Allah (SWT) with which one can seek solace and consolation is the gift of Dua’a’s for and Sadaqah done on the behalf of the deceased that would benefit them even now i.e good deeds that generate continual reward (Sadaqah Jariyah), and this also serves as a positive reinforcement to staying up and about and ever-productive.

    http://www.alhudaonlinebooks.com/sending-reward-for-the-deceased-aisal-ul-sawaab-informative-pamphlet/
    http://www.alhudaonlinebooks.com/supplications-for-a-deceased/

    It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah said:
    “When a man dies all his good deeds come to an end except three: Ongoing charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), beneficial knowledge and a righteous son who prays for him.”
    Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)
    Reference : Sunan an-Nasa’i 3651
    In-book reference : Book 30, Hadith 41
    English translation : Vol. 4, Book 30, Hadith 3681
    http://sunnah.com/nasai/30/41

  5. AOA
    Very well written.I loved this line the most “The words speak to me at my exact time of need” while your mentioning to make Quran your oxygen.
    I want to share my personal experience of how I felt that Quran is speaking to me at time of distress. I was in a situation of stress and having insomnia, so I got up from bed and decided to offer Tahajjud. Before offering Salah I was searching for some YouTube video related to patience. I found a video where Quranic ayah was mentioned where ALLAH had said that He is the one who strengthened Umm-e-Musa’s heart when she let her son Musa (A.S) in the river.Umm-e-Musa was in such a difficult situation where she had to do this.How difficult it would have been for a mother.
    I was 7-8 months pregnant at that time and my ultrasonologist told me the news of a baby boy ALHUMDULILAH .The word of Umm-e-Musa was like for me….it was like a message for me.
    I offered Tahajjud and prayed alot that ALMIGHTY ALLAH strengthen my heart.I myself cannot bear this situation, You are the one to strengthen me and my heart.
    The tip I want to share is that patience comes from ALLAH. So we should pray that May ALLAH make us amongst those who are patient when a calamity strikes them and be those who are grateful to Him. AMEEN

  6. I lost my younger brother last week in a car accident along with his fiance. The grief has paralysed me and seeing my parents in their current state is heart breaking every moment. Any advice on how to deal with such a calamity would be really helpful

    • Dear Raz,
      I know what your parents are going thru. We lost our 8 year old daughter over the summer holiday’s while abroad. One minute we were a happy go lucky family the next tragedy stuck. It’s incomprehensible when you lose a loved one(s) instantly. There are no words.
      I’m so sorry for your loss but allow me to remind you that Allah Subhanallah is the master planner and what you don’t know is the unknown had they both lived. Alhamdulillah! Allah is Merciful and He took them both together and one was not left behind to grieve for the other. What a painful life that would have been. Alhamdulillah! Time does heal, I don’t believe you ever get over something like this. It’ll always be with us. We have to patiently persevere and adjust. Yes your brother and his fiance are gone from your lives but there is hope that you and your parents will be reunited with them in the next life except that you will never be separated again. This life is a stepping stone for the eternal life and we must always remember that. Also remember someone will always have it worse than you. In my case there was a man fleeing recently from Syria with his 7 children (between the ages of 20 days to 9yrs) and they all drowned with his wife and he lived. How is he handling his grieve? Alhamdulillah I haven’t lost my mind and I am able to function. There was another case of parents were visiting Mecca and lost their daughter and son (same ages as my son and daughter) and they died from the crane accident. They returned home childless. Alhamdulillah we still have our son. This is a time where you put your hands up and say Allah Subhanallah Tahallah, I accept your decision for You know all things and know the future. We must trust Him. He would never do something unjustly for he is the Just. Alhamdualillah we are Muslims and we will all see each other in the next life. It’s just a matter of time. We need to get thru this life thru patience and prayer and a cheerful attitude (not kicking and screaming) with what comes our way but with a believe in our hearts that Allah Subhanallah Tahallah will never let us down for He is most wise and knows all things. Alhamdulillah.

  7. Indeed In Allah, you find a true empathizer.
    With all the ups and downs of life, nothing gives me peace but recitation of the Quran and sujood.Nothing gives me relief but crying out to Allah.
    A great article, worth a read because life is a garden of roses, thus there are thorns.

  8. This is a huge one.When I finished reading this my heart was filled with a question and answers.I asked myself how it will be lossing people dear to me? I got few answers to my question.{1} My love for Allah,when you really love something no matter what comes{good or bad} you don’t want to let go of the love. When we love Allah we are ready for everything He brings to us.His love only comes from Him and it is all about praying to love Him.{2}.We wil still meet again In Sha Allah in the hereafter where we will be together forever.The only thing is I have to make dua to Allah to make our meeting a happy one and being patient for our meeting again In Sha Allah.

  9. Jazakallah khayr for the good message. I lost my big brother 4 yrs ago (He got an accident),but many thanks to Allah because it was like I awake and see Ooh! In this dunya we are not permanent. Prays be up on Allah the merciful one,the best planner,the maneger of the umma who knows to manage well and no one else like Allah.

  10. اَلسَّلَم عَلَيْكُم
    Even I have lost my mother when I was a teenager 10 years ago. I really didn’t have an islamic outlook back then. But الحمد الله with both my GM’s duas I was able to cop up really well. I had a great support team around me all the time. Watching over me whenever I feel dull around the time of grieving. I don’t know how I would have copped up that situation without my aunts/cousins. But الحمد الله I’m doing great now with two beautiful daughters on board.
    One thing is sure: Things will get better with allah’s blessings. إن شآء الله .

  11. Thank you. From the bottom of My heart. It is as if stumbling in darkness, trying to find a rope to hold on to, a cooling wind to calm the feverish anger and hurt. The intensity not only in loss, or the challenge of practicalities, but the dealing with loneliness, the wellmeaningness of others that fail to comfort. The realization that even if all of us experience loss in one way or another, my loss is still personal, and no other can completely understand the process except the One that was right there with me, through every event and through every emotion and reaction attached to it. Thank you for this post, and thank you to the mother that lost a child and says Alhamdolillah. I am realizing that this is the rope, this is the cooling and calming wind I’ve searched for. To not only think it, but to say it as soon as the sadness sets in. Alhamdolillah. Jazzakom Allah kheir!

  12. Jazakullah kheyr for this beautiful article. The timing is perfect. I have just lost my maternal aunt to cancer and two days later I found out that my paternal aunt’s currently dying in hospital of cancer too. I flew abroad to go to the funeral, followed by a visit at the hospital. I can’t describe the emotions but Alhamdullilah Allah is with me and my family. I did go back to work and uni straight away which helped, distraction as you said. The difficult part is not being there with my family to comfort them. I try to do the best I can despite the distance. We must all accept the path Allah has for us. Thank you for this article.

  13. Jazak Allah khair sis, May Allah subhana wa tala reward you and your family for your loss and increase you all, ameen. Very well written and greatly needed article since we all will experience loss in this life. Alhumdulilah for your insights and clear guidance on how to cope appropriately. May Allah subhana wa tala grant your father jannatul firdawos along with the rest of your family out of His infinite mercy and generosity, ameen thumma ameen. My tip I like to be reminded of is the greatest calamity was the passing away of our beloved Messenger sallahu alahi wa salaam and since we love him peace and blessings of Allah swt be upon him more than our own selves, children and family it puts into the perspective the life of this world. This helps me resume a productive lifestyle because it allows me to understand our ultimate goal of leading a conscious life modeled after the sunnah and Quran for the most success bithinilah tala. Alhumdulilah ala kulli haal. Again, much thanks sis! <3

  14. Jazak Allah Khair for the tips. It really was soothing. I lost my mother a few months back and I do miss her. May Allah swt reward u

  15. JazakiAllahu khairan dear sister ‘Make Quran your Oxygen’ is the best tip in ur article .May Allah increase ur knowledge n reward u best for ur work

  16. AssalamuAlaikum, Sr.
    Mashallah this a great article and I just read that on the right time. My beloved aunt’s husband passed away last Friday (the beginning of the year). May Allah grants him the highest paradise. I wish this article was written in Arabic too I’d have given it to some of her closest daughters/daughter-in-laws, it could’ve had a good effect inaha’Allah. I really thank you so much for your share. J.A.K.

  17. A very good arrival. I consider it something send my way from Allah swt through your way to help ease my pain. I lost my sister aged 27, battling a lung disease, 13 days ago. Although she was ill but we were never prepared for her death. So her death was devastating for us, but Alhamdulillah, it is through only the blessings of Allah swt that we are bearing this grief gracefully. He swt gave us patience and insight to evaluate our lives as well.

    May Allah swt bless us all with success of this world and hereafter ameen

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