Ayah #13 – Productive Regrets!

        “But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow”  [42:43].

Productive regrets!

“I should have…”

“If only…”

“How could I be so stupid…”

How many times have you said these things – or thought them?

We can’t turn back time. What’s done is done. We know we should contemplate on the immense Mercy of Allah , but let’s face the facts: many of us live in yesterday, even when it comes to minor issues. You cannot forgive yourself for “not knowing better” at the time.

Let’s not confuse it with tawbah – repentance. Allah loves those who return to Him, and regret is part of the parcel. However, regret is not the main ingredient; it is just the key to start the process off. You should not dwell on your feelings of regret and guilt because they will seriously hurt your productivity. Instead of wishing you had known better and kicking yourself that you didn’t, how about giving yourself a second chance?

Here are four practical tips on how to give yourself a second chance:

1. Turn unproductive regrets into productive regrets.  Move from that sharp sting of regrets to look for the lessons learned and take comfort in the fact that these lessons make you wiser. Remember tawbah is a positive thing!

2. Take comfort in the fact that regrets help you develop empathy for others. How would you ever develop real empathy if you never made a mistake or a wrong turn yourself? It is regrets that keep us in check from being judgmental and arrogant. So we become better people who, in turn, have more compassion and empathy for others. Empathy is considered to be one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence.

3. Moving from regrets is the best time to work on the ability to forgive.  Did you know that a lack of forgiving yourself or OTHERS is one of the most common reasons for depression, anxiety, stress related back and stomach aches and insomnia?*

Martin Luther King Jr said: “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

Alhamdulillah, regret gives you the opportunity to self-correct, and to develop the ability to forgive –be thankful for this golden opportunity to release yourself of bitterness and negativity for good. SubhanAllah, look how many ayaat speak about the importance of forgiving. Keep this motto: Forgive to seek forgiveness. Beautiful!

4. Use the broken pieces of unrealized dreams and disappointments If you see shattered pieces of your life’s dreams as parts of a beautiful life mosaic, you can appreciate the broken pieces! All your disappointments, no matter how small or how large, can be part of something so beautiful that it can be hard to imagine.  Whenever something happens which you have problems dealing with, immediately tell yourself: “THIS IS FROM ALLAH.”  It is Allah Who truly knows what’s best for us.

To Conclude: You cannot change what happened to you, but you can change what you do with what happened to you. So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a second chance with the tawfeeq of Allah . You deserve it!

* According to recent research, American scientists established that those capable of forgiveness are healthier in both mind and body. Dr. Frederic Luskin, who holds a Ph.D. in Counselling and Health Psychology from Stanford University, and his team, studied 259 people living in the city of San Francisco. The scientists invited the subjects to attend six one-and-a-half-hour sessions, and aimed to instruct the subjects in forgiveness during their conversations. The subjects of the experiments stated that they suffered less after forgiving people who had wronged them. The research showed that people who learned to forgive feel much better, not only emotionally but also physically. For example, it was established that after the experiment psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomachaches were significantly reduced in these individuals.