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  1. One way to make parents happy is whenever you are not living with them,is that,do not reject their calls to your mobile phone. Pick up your phone and call them. Tell them I miss you Mummy I miss you Daddy.

  2. Always listen with patience and put your own ego and opinion aside. Their praise and support will lift you up and their company is a source of comfort for you.

    Your kind words to them will bring them happiness, make you feel good and create more happiness in your relationship with them. Remember that the goal is to have a good relationship with them and not to be winning a game of ego’s.

  3. اسلام الىكم.

    Make a habit of calling to your parents daily,just a greetings and ask what about their health and 1,2,3 stories.This action make them very happy. If there is misunderstanding between them/if one of them accidentally treat in a cruel manner to another and you get the information,you should talk with him/her politely make a good understanding for him/her about the action he/she done,you are not supposed to complain about him/her. Make Duas for them everytime you feel like pray for them.Many Barraka will received from Allah.

    انشالله تعلا

  4. Brilliant article masha Allah. I just have a question though. My father is extremely unjust in behaviour towards my mother, and there are aspects of his personality that I just can’t make peace with. He also is very inconsiderate when it comes to me and takes no interest in my life; this is something though that I’m willing to forgive. But I just CAN’T help feeling resentment towards him all the time. It takes A LOT of effort on my part to show respect to him, which I do, but it saddens me that I don’t respect my father naturally. And I’m afraid one of the reasons I lack peace of mind is my relationship with my father. What should I do in this situation?

    • i am living in the same situation as you mentioned.
      i would say donot get his behaviour to your nerves.ignore it. respect him like you are following a rule of Allah SWT.
      i dont know what to do with such situation, the message i gave to you is my personal learning. you eventually get away from them. it leads to communication barrier, issues are left unsolved as they need a wali in case of females, people mock at you, adding to your insecurities. you can talk to him. in my case he gets offended and quite whenever told about his shortcomings. and no child want its parents to get off from its actions. so yes, life is spending and i wait for this time to pass with peace as changing it is out of my hands.nothing is permanent so this will change one day too. try your best and do not misbehave thats it.
      pray for me too.

      • but when i reflect upon my life, i realize that one thing i have learned. i have known what i would not be doing to my kids in sha Allah if i ever got married.
        ALhamdulillah…! it is amazing that when you are totally devastated, it is Allah that keep your heart alive and gives you hope again!! only He can do this. .
        take it as a n advantage. do not let yourself eaten up by some one else’s negativity. they are responsible for what they are doing. you are accountable for you do.

        • Assalamualeikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

          This was the absolute most beautiful advice. IAK, as I was reading your first comment, I couldn’t help but double-checking to make sure that it actually wasn’t an old comment that I myself had written! Then I realised this is a very new article and therefore it was impossible for it to be myself. But I clicked completely with what you wrote. I’m experiencing the exact same thing – I hate myself for not being able to respect my father naturally. I hate having to FORCE myself to show him respect, but I, like you, fear that that relation could be the cause of lack of inner peace and barakah. It can be SO hard to look past some of his really annoying habits that he just doesn’t want to do ANYTHING at all to change and also the way he treats my mother and myself.
          But wallahi, I love the advice fabiha gave, which is to respect him like you are following a rule of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. In the end, we’re responsible towards him. However others treat us, the only thing we are in control of is how we react ourselves. And it’s so important to remember that everyone has their own personal jihad and dealing with difficult parents can be a serious jihad, but can also be a source of SO much reward, if done properly. Yeah, so many people have wonderful and kind and respectful parents. They have something else in their life, which is their jihad. Allah gave us something else instead, alhamdulillah. Remember Allah, even if the person you’re dealing with is forgetting to do so. Very profound advice, jazakumullahu kulla khayr.

          • barakAllah. muslims are for strengthening each others in matter of deen(it includes this life and hereafter).
            i wasted my time in worrying why they dont behave what is expected of a parent? i realized afterwards it was draining me bc i was pondering over a thing that was out of my hands. we have been taught by shariah about patience, this is what patience means. i understood recently! at this age!
            so have loads of hope in ur heart. talk to Allah to keep us steadfast on His deen. work on your life.
            good luck. may Allah be with all of them who are reading this.
            prayers needed.

  5. How should we show kindness to them still when everything I do they consider it extremism on my part? They want me to do something unislamic and I refuse to do as they wish. What should I do?

    • Sister there is no obedience to a created being in disobeying the Creator but you cannot be hash to your parents, show them kindness and make dua for them.

  6. 1. What if the parents do not like the Sunnah.
    2. My dad past away 38 yrs ago (!). but, my mother keep all the heirs till today…

    What should I do to my mother..


  7. My father is emotionally (and was physically) abusive to all of us in many many ways. It’s come to the point where I get physically sick when at home, where I get restless and scared just hearing his voice. Even when we try our best, he will never be pleased with us and he treats me and my beloved mother as less. He threatens us, he insults us, he treats us like servants and we never hear a kind word from him. I can’t remove myself from him, neither can my mother because we don’t know how dangerous he really can be. He is the reason I have associated ‘islam’ with ‘the woman is less’ for my entire childhood and to this day I struggle to lose this bias.
    I’m only telling this because even though these things happen, (and even more, I can’t convey everything in words) I keep hearing the same things, from him and every teacher around me: If our parents are not happy with us, we are doomed. He can never be happy, with nobody (he will insult and scream at young retail workers and make racist remarks etc). And honestly, I find it easier to despise him, because that means I won’t be so hurt when he will turn against us again. But at the same time i feel so hopeless, because does that mean i’m doomed, so to speak? All I want is for him to disappear out of my life but as I understand, this attitude is as bad as giving up iman altogether. Is it really always all the child’s fault? Do we have no choice but to stay in a toxic relationship with our parents forever? I don’t show how I feel towards him, but I think he knows, and bottling it up (i can’t tell him directly) results in even stronger hatred and I always end up speaking behind his back in a bad way to my family members who are also affected. I’m sorry for the long text, but I don’t know where else to turn to and I guess I just want to know if all my other efforts in islam are worthless because of this situation.

    • BIsmillah al Rahman al Rahim
      Dear sister Zeete and other sisters, who have problems with their parents, an special the father, I have a non muslim family and became muslim al hamdulillah 8 year ago. I do not have too much knowledge, but what I understood of Islam is that, Allah subhanahu ta’ala does not ask us to stay in a dangerous or harmful situation. If we feel a person is dangerous for us, if we can materially, we must try to get out of it. Islam is the perfect human way for living this life and the next, and nothing in islam is out of what is reasonable and full of sense. If my father wants to harm or abuse me or somebody I know, if I can, I must save my self and the other persons from him. This has nothing to do with the kindness towards our parents. Always, we should not offend others, or be disagrable with them (just think of the behaviour asked to a muslim during war!!! can you imagine a more conflictful situation??), so, we must keep peace until we can, and be kind, bu if a parent is emotionally or phisically dangerous for us, we must keep away from him/her. Later, if it is possible, we can try to improve the situation, but where Allah ta’ala is asking us to let somebody hurts us???
      I also have some problems with my non-muslim father, and the main problem is that he lives far away and always try to escape me and my husband. It is not easy to be just with him, because even if I have made my choice (Islam), he is my father and has the capacity of hurting me always. I just try to “follow” his way, in order to meet him, but just until he does not go over the bonderies of islam. I think the same must be with your fathers, even if muslims: to hurt or abuse you is something that goes over the limits of islam, you should not follow them there… but try if you can, to protect you from that.
      I hope not to say something wrong, astaghfirullah and Allah knows best.
      With all mu y love for you, sisters in Islam, FI AMANI LLAH
      umm Hamid

      • Assalamualaikum
        JazakAllah khair, you made me feel so much better. And of course you are right, islam is perfect, even though we muslims are not. I now feel hopeful again and I am ready to wait for the ease that will surely follow this hardship.

    • Assalamualikum,
      If it has become really hard to live together then Allah has surely placed a solution , ie part your ways , a divorce can take place . But this should be the last resort . you could at first try to implant Allahs fear in your dad and remind Him that Allah does not like such behaviour . You could use different tactics . You could stick notes here and there in the home , indirectly advice him by talking to someone else in front of him etc. Pray to Allah especially at the time of tahajjud and in sha Allah , He will bless you with a solution

      • Assalamualeikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

        Also, Ibrahim aleyhissalam’s father wasn’t happy or satisfied with him even till his death. Imagine, a prophet of Allah could not make his father happy, even though he tried, and tried and tried. Yes – our parents satisfaction is very important – but what is more important is the actual effort we have put into it ourselves. Some people just cannot be changed, but if you are confident that you have put your effort into changing the situation around, and it STILL hasn’t changed, then know that Allah knows and sees that! He sees all the hard work you have put in and how unfair your father may be. He sees your effort and struggle and rewards you accordingly, in the most beautiful manner that befits Him.

        Don’t lose hope!

        • ‘Yes – our parents satisfaction is very important – but what is more important is the actual effort we have put into it ourselves.’

          WHAT a brilliant eye opener and what an amazing reminder! I guess I haven’t been putting in too much effort to improve my relationship with my father either. Thank you SO much for this! You have no idea how important a message you’ve conveyed through these simple words. JazakAllah!!

      • Wa alaikum salam
        jazakAllah khair, you must be right. The solution to my problems is already there. This is my time to be patient and prove my trust in Allah. Yes, we tried to remind him of Allah but he feels attacked and as if we are using our religion against him. He says that he can do what ever he wants to do and so on. Well, anyways, it looks like we’ll have to wait until my sister is of legal age (so that he can’t try anything bad in his rage) and if the situation is not better by then my mother will try to make a divorce happen. We just don’t see any other option. Her and I, we endured him for 21 years now.
        But again, thank you. When I see all these sayings about parents and their importance I tend to get very depressed and I am thankful for everyone who can give me hope.

  8. My Dad passed away 38 yrs ago. But my mother keep all the heirs till today.
    It will made her angry if we talk or ask about it. She tought that everything was hers. So, she is the the one who can give to whom she desire to give. What should we do.. I need advise..,

    • Assalamualikum,
      you could try explaining her the inheritance laws placed by Allah . but if she still dosent budge, then just leave the matter to almighty . He is the best of providers.

      • Alhamdulillah..)
        Yes, maube I ‘ll leave the matter to Allah. So.., tomorrow, it would not my problem anymore.
        I thougt maybe. Allah loves me a lot ^^

  9. Dear Amirah and Budi,

    I have problem in communicating with my father in law. Though he has not directly talk to me; his body language reveal everything. The disappointment was channel either through my sister in law or my husband. At this moment, I still do not know how to break the iceberg between us and in-law family but I prayed to Allah to give me guidance and keep on doing good to them whenever possible. I also pray to Allah to remove negative thoughts towards my father and I told myself Im doing good because that is what Allah asked me to do.. If my father in law doesn’t appreciate it; Allah knows and appreciate my effort.

    Budi, yours is quite tricky for me as we as outsider didn’t know much about your problem with your mother. She might be too old that she is experiencing emotional transition, or unable to think straight whenever it comes in managing her wealth just to name a few possible reason of her behaviour. My advise is to seek advice from the next kin or ustaz/ulama or councillor near your area so that he can advise you properly.

    wallahu a’lam..My advice neither not the best answer nor able to answer your concern. Only Allah is able to help us and bring us all answer we need in life

  10. My in laws are very rude to us. They even mock me & scold my husband. Only AllahSWT is my Helper & reliance. I patiently tolerate them & I know Allah SWT & prophet Muhammad SAWS is with us InshaAllah! I overcome the pain by these Two Armor for sure!

  11. Jzakhallah kheir for sharing very insightful and the video is sweet and short! I know when it comes to parents it is very hard for some like myself to change norms especially living within western or even cultural societies. One reflection about parents in quran that a sheikh was saying is the discussion between Ibrahim As and his father! Ibrahim As father was imposing shirk on his son yet Ibrahim As responded to him in the most beautiful and soft words saying ‘abaty’ aka my dad and was so soft with no harshness even though it was shirk we are talking about . Something to reflect upon.

  12. What happens when your father is abusive toward your mother (physically, emotionally) as well as to his children. He commits major sins openly yet refuses to acknolwedge them even when it’s been evident what he has done. He denies and believes his lies. How do you respect someone of blood then? What happens when after trying to defend your mother from harm he disowns you and continues acting abusively toward you and making it known to everyone what a disobedient child you are yet doesn’t want to admit to his wrongdoings at all? Will you be punished for standing up for your mother?

    • Can I add further that days later my whole family including my mother pretends nothing has happened. It’s ruined my life and my marriage and caused me and my siblings real emotional and mental stress : anxiety, depression which most of us are in counselling for. I make duah for my parents daily. It’s the love for the dunyah that’s damaged them.

      • I am no scholar, but my well meaning advice is this…do what you do for the sake of Allah, never expect anything in return. I say this because it can be super hurtful when the ones you help don’t appreciate it. So do it for Allah always, as we should.

        Let your family know you are there for them, and leave it there. Be as happy and cheerful as you can be, and focus on yourself and your marriage. When you get depressed thinking about them, ask Allah for peace of mind and distract yourself doing something good or relieving stress in a healthy halal way. Remember they are accountable for their actions and decisions not you. If your father is abusive to your mother, let her know that you are there for her should she want to get out of this situation, but don’t push it (unless her life is in danger, she’s mentally unable to judge a dangerous situation, etc.). If you try to sway her, later you will be the first to be blamed if anything goes wrong or if they make up they will point to you as the troublemaker (even though your intentions were the best, that’s human nature). They are the adults first, you are their child. It is not your responsibility to make their decisions, carry their burdens on your head and destroy your own life too. The funny thing is the more you maintain boundaries, the easier it will be to respect and be there for them, to really show that excellence that is required of us. Your parents will always think of you as a positive, respectful person. Remember also that you are accountable for your own actions, not them. You are responsible for being the best Muslim you can be, a good spouse, etc. And may Allah have mercy on us all, and may He forgive me if I have said anything wrong.

        • i really appreciate your advice. this is practical and doable.understanding one’s limitations, setting boundaries and acting accordingly.

  13. Aslamu Alaikum.
    Such articles will certainly help Ummah to be a productive human resource for the Humanity if they exercise it in true spirit in their day to day life.
    Thank u,Jazāk Allah

  14. Kazakillahu khairan for the very useful article. This sometimes happen to us when we learn something from sunnah and find what the parents do is not parrarel to sunnah. Then they sometimes heard the other then us, their son when we tell them the truth based on dalil. Instead they’ll say “I heard an ustaz/preacher said that it is ok, there is no problem with what I do”. On this situation we sometimes become angry with them and throw the other sunnah to be a kind son to parents.

  15. Is there any sheikh in this world who can teach how to be gracious with a mother who has performed black magic to paralyze her own son so that the hijabi wife leaves him! And this mother has left her husband as well cause he teaches his sons Hadith despite her ban on books of Hadith in the house!!! Now the ill son tries his best to keep her wife and child with him and also take care of her old father. I know alllllll that our Lord commanded, so please don’t quote anymore. Just help this sinful son with solutions. FYI, Ruqya and Hijama not working. And also praying all the time that Allah saves and forgives all of us and give my parents Jannah despite my destroyed duniyay. Salaam.

    • I am no scholar, but my well meaning advice is this…as another comment mentioned, Allah does not want us to stay in dangerous situations. We are required to show excellence to our parents even if they are not Muslim. If a mother is truly attempting to destroy a family, then that is a danger and you must keep enough distance to be safe. Use a respectful tone if and when you have to communicate with her, if she upsets or angers you follow the sunnah (ex. stay silent until calm, sit if standing, lay down if sitting, say Aoozu billahi minsashaitan nirrajeem, etc.) and take care of her in her old age (if you can’t keep her around due to safety issues, you can still arrange to have money sent for example, for her to stay with a friend or relative, or on her own if she prefers that etc.). Also, you are responsible for being the best Muslim you can be. Focus on making yourself stronger physically, emotionally, and mentally, seek therapy from a professional, so you can be the best slave of Allah, a good Muslim, a good husband, a good father, and a good son. Sincerely ask Allah to forgive any sins you have made in the past, make a pure intention that you will not do it again, and be the best Muslim you can be. If you fall again, repent again and try again. As long as your intentions are sincere, that is what matters. And you are doing the right thing praying that Allah saves and forgives us all and gives your parents Jannah, and may he also save you and give you Jannah, ameen. And Allah knows best, and may He forgive me if I have said anything wrong.

      • You put such ease and hope in my heart. May Allaah reward you immensely for your kind words and advice dear ‘Anonymous’. Jazakallah khairan. Salaam!

  16. Alhamdulillah khaseeran,Reminder on obedience to parents is a necessity on our present situation across the globe.

  17. Salamu alaikum, to all those having problems with their parents remember that Allah has said in the Quran that He will test us , so take it as a trail from Him. But you can still consult scholars and tell them your problems maybe they will give you suggestions on how to solve your problems without doing any thing which involves haram. And remember Allah tests those He loves. The bigger the trial the more the reward. If you are patient In sha Allah you will get the reward. But to the best of your ability give them their due respect. If you refuse to respect them, then you are also sinful as well. On the day of judgement everybody will be recompensed for their deeds. Whoever did an atoms weight of good will see it and whoever did an atom’s weight of evil will see it. May Allah give us the ability to fo the right thing and give people their due rights(haqq) whether they give us ours or not ,Amin

  18. Aslmkw
    Respected Readers
    Allawh keep u All n me with Aafiyah n grant us the strength to persevere in these difficult tests
    it’s really vvv sad when ur blood hurts u
    but immediately after the verse of
    being good n merciful to parents Allawh mentions He knows what’s in ur hearts n minds n Allawh is forgivng, n merciful
    im not sure of exact words but check Surah Bani Israeel
    Also Surah Nisaa has ffg verse
    Oh u who believe
    Be firm on justice even if it be against ur parents ….
    so Remember Allawh wouldn’t burden us with something we cannot handle
    Allawh grant us strength
    im also having problems with my mom who i served for 20 years plus n a bad brother n sister manipulated her mind to such an extent that she says i don’t do anything for her
    im a single parent yet my girls n i pampered her yet she treats us with disdain n disregard
    so i ask Allawh in the words of Nabi SAW
    Allawhumma waaqi yatan ka waaqiyatil waleed
    oh Allawh i seek ur protection,like that of a baby in arms”
    also tell Allawh oh Allawh You r more merciful than a mother is to her child so have mercy on me by Ur mercy that encompasses everything
    it’s v difficult but Trust Allawh n don’t loose hope in His mercy
    don’t b despondent
    Allawh grant us victory n success in both the worlds …. n khawtimah bil Khair on blessed lands Aameen
    please remember me in ur special DUAS at tahajjud Jazaakumullawh Khairun

  19. Assalamu Alaykum dear brothers and sisters.

    I am in need of good advice. My father doesnt want to talk to me anymore since he found out about me wearing niqab. Im married and live around 60km away from my parents home but he drives by my house every day to go to work. in the 2 years I’ve lived here, he visited me less than 4 times. I wanted to visit my parents last weekend but my mother told me it would be better not to come because my father would start fighting because of the niqab.

    What should I do now? Risking a fight with my father or leaving him alone until he (inshaa Allaah) wants to talk to me again??
    And no – discussing about religious subjects is not possible with him…

    BaarakAllaahu feekum
    (sorry for my english, Im from Germany)

  20. AssalamuAlaikum Sr Dina, I thank you for waking me up about treating our parents with IHSAN, it’s something I kept forgetting and I’m really glad about reading this again, I seriously hope to take my good relationship with my parents to the next level of improvement with ihsan Insha’Allah. May Allah forgive us and help us improve ourselves for His sake. May Allah elevates us in dunya and akhira.

  21. Only yesterday I was in a situation where I hugely disagreed with my dad’s action. Primarily as you mentioned, maybe the more knowledge of deen has somehow made me look down upon his behavior. But Wallahi, this article is such an eye opener. ‘Ahsan’ is the word used not for agreeable moments, but for all times dealing with them.

    Thank you, thank you so very much!

  22. AssalamuAlaikum
    I have an issue. I know number one is my behaviour to my mother which I do struggle and strive to rectify. I would say I have become better by some amount.
    However, my mother struggles with depression, anxiety, severe paranoia, bipolar tendencies, because of a past of struggles and long term depression.
    She takes this out on me and my siblings and small things she turns into mountains. She argued with my father non stop on Eid because she has never had a good Eid and doesn’t think this one should be good either.

    For example, once I dropped Maple syrup on the floor during Ramadan. She screamed so loud I think all our fasts broke. (She did not pay for or clean up the syrup btw)
    I feel she doesnt know how not to go a day without complaining or accusing or yelling. And she says its because we’re all evil that she’s like this.

    I have fault too. Sometimes I snap at her. I am trying to control it. But I help her whenever she asks. She just doesnt seem to note the good.

    She is a negative person! Her depression has made her this way. God hasn’t given her one good day, or one good thing in her opinion!

    So I struggle to be better to her.
    But I dont think any amount of sincere Astagfirullah’s will help me. Because my Mother is convinced the world is out to destroy her. (I’m not exaggerating).


  23. I haven’t found a single place to tell me about how to deal with parents, where they don’t point out how much of a jerk I am. Where are my rights as a son? There’s a reason why I don’t wanna be a parent.

  24. Excuse me, but this isn’t a guide to deal with parents. Its more of an article telling me how significant parents are, and how insignificant their sons and/or daughters are. This is in no way whatsoever helping me. I think I’ll just pray for my parents and be a good son, as insignificant children are, isn’t that right?

  25. hye, I have a dad who is an extrovert, and trains his children with full discipline. whatever astray to the way he is thinking he will scold us and at times he will put vulgar words in the conversation. Whatever comes against to his way of thinking as well he will directly disagree and started to be sensitive, saying that we as his children doesnt want to takare of him etc. Im staying with my parents and at ti es i feel irritated when he started to point out my mistakes here and there, even the smallest ones. He directs me to do this and that even he k ows he can do it himself. He said he wanted to ‘tests’ our loyalty and I knows its part of our responsibilities to treat our parents right, but as time gies by I lost a little bit of hope. Alhamdulillah, we were given rizq of having our own cars and all, but when we screwed up a little bit, he started to bring up all the things that he had spent on us, siblings, and when he is angry he wants to take all the things he gave to us.I mean, I dont ask for this and that, provide me this and that. If all the thibgs he gave he wants to bring up all again hen in that case, Im not forcing him to provide everythig. I cried when sometimes I cant manage my anger, disagree with his decision when he things he is the one who is right. I know its my fault sometimes but when Allah tested me with my father, I gone weak and dont know what to do more. help please.