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  1. JazkAllah for this reminder. I pray we all treat our parents kindly. Even if its sometimes difficult we should ask how would we treat another important person e.g our boss/ the Queen?? By ignoring them? Even though we don’t gain paradise through them. May we all succeed in behaving in the best way towards our parents. Ameen.

    • Barak’Allahu Feeki and ameen to your dua. That’s definitely a good way of thinking, our parents should be treated above “royalty” – i’m glad you found this useful, Alhamdullilah.

  2. Assalam alaikom!! Mashallah that was a really wonderful article.. Jazakallah khair for sharing it ,, Unfortunately i couldnt fulfill my parents dream :( i hope i can do something for them in my future career.. May Allah help me and all other muslims fulfill our wishes ..Aameen

  3. This article is a good reminder but I have point to make: everyone speaks about and encourages the good treatment of parents, but what about the child who is genuinely being mistreated by his/her parents? From my experiences, I’ve not found much in the way of support and guidance for someone whose parents are mistreating them: belittling them over their siblings, not giving them fair opportunities, and believe me I’ve seen this in many families.

    • Asalam Alaikum sister, I am sorry to hear about your experiences.
      As far as my knowledge goes, the following passage comes to mind;

      “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, – unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” – [Luqmaan 31:14-15].

      Allah has told us to treat parents with respect and kindness, EVEN if they are non-believers and commit shirk, then what do you think is the case with Muslim parents. At times, fulfilling these rights in a proper manner can be difficult but also very important. As long as you are treating them as Allah has commanded, with kindness, and you are patient you will earn rewards Insha’Allah.

      This topic is quite wide, maybe an article addressing this issue can be written in the near future, if Allah wills.

      May Allah relieve your distresses and worries and help you and us all to treat our parents as we should.

  4. What can we do if we have lost them? I have recently lost my father and each new day without him brings more pain. I pray for him every chance I get but the guilt weighs heavy on me that I had such little time with him during which, while there may have been many happy moments, I must have unintentionally also hurt him countless times. This feeling brings excruciating sadness. I wish there were still a way I could repay him and not feel like I had my one chance and blew it.

    • Asalam Alaikum sister, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May Allah grant your father the highest place in Jannah and make his grave wide and full of noor, ameen.
      Sister, if you are making dua for your father, then you are definitely on the right track, there is an enormous blessing in making dua for the deceased, continue doing this Insha’Allah;
      Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The fact that the dead benefit from du’aa’s is indicated by the consensus of the ummah on offering du’aa’ for him during the janaazah (funeral) prayer, hence we know that du’aa’ benefits the deceased… This is supported by many ahaadeeth and is in fact is the whole point of praying for the deceased. The same applies to making du’aa’ for him after the burial, and making du’aa’ for them when visiting their graves” – (al-Rooh, 118, 119).

      You can also make up any fasts which were obligatory upon your father;
      It was reported from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever dies and had any fasts outstanding, his heir should observe those fasts on his behalf” – (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1851; Muslim, 1147).

      You may also be able to do hajj on his behalf, only after you have completed this fard yourself, however.
      It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard a man saying “Labbayka ‘an Shubrumah (At your service, O Allaah, on behalf of Shubrumah).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Who is Shubrumah?” He said, “A relative of mine.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Have you ever done Hajj before?” He said, “No.” he said, “Do this Hajj for yourself, then do Hajj on behalf of Shubrumah” – (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1811; Ibn Maajah, 2903 – this version was narrated by him. The hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel, 4/171).

      I hope the above has shed some light, and remember the benefits of du’aa’, praying for forgiveness, giving charity and Hajj – they do reach the deceased.

      Additionally, guilt after such an event is natural sister. But dwelling too much into this matter may cause you a lot of grief, pray to the almighty for your father and indeed for yourself, that he make your heart lighter. Please refer to this article http://productivemuslim.com/7-things-to-do-in-times-of-hardship/

      Also, I will ask productive Muslim if we can write an article on this (if we haven’t done so already), as you can see there is a lot to be covered on it.

      Finally, May the lord of all that exists, relieve these pains and burdens from your heart, may He make this easier for you, ameen.

  5. Jazak Allah khairan. its a very nice and touching article. made me cry. i think everyone of us needs to read the article, because in this busy dunia some of us may forget how we should treat well our parents. loved the article thank uuu <3

  6. Jazakallahu khairan.
    I am sure we will learn to love truly unless we love our parents.

    As a practical step we could train us for giving them small but regular gifts (flowers especially) or write them some poetic words or at least two lines to express them our love.

    Don’t forget that the Prophet(pbuh) would do the same and much better if he were in our situation of having both parents(instead of being an orphant like he -pbuh- was)

    • Asalam Alaikum, barak’Allahu feeki. Indeed: Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Give each other gifts and you will love each other” – [Al-Bukhari, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Number 594, Hasan].

  7. this brought tears, ’cause it’s true. even someone who is 23 years old suffer from this problem.
    may Allah swt guide us all and make us better children at any age.

  8. thank you so much sister
    JazakAllah..this article filled my eyes with tears…no exaggerations….
    I will implement everything I learnt from this article!
    Thank you so so so much for taking time out to write this article that touched so many people.

    • Asalam alaikum sister, barak’Allahu feeki. Thank you for your lovely comment, I am glad you found it useful. May Allah help us to treat our parents with great kindness and respect, ameen.

  9. Assalaamu Alaikum and JazakAllah Khair for this extremely important and valuable reminder. May Allah SWT give the tawfeeq to all children to earn their Jannah through through actions which are dear to Him. Ameen.

  10. Mashallah nice article.Just wanted to know that you said to make dua for parents first.But I thought the manners of dua is to start from yourself & then parents if I am not wrong?

    • Asalam Alaikum, as far as my knowledge goes, there is no evidence to suggest that we should make dua for ourselves first. In fact, we are encouraged to make dua for others; The Messenger of Allah (swt) said, “The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Everytime he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: `Ameen! May it be for you, too’.” [Muslim].

  11. Subhanallah. Isn’t it so amazing how the early suhabah respected their parents. Even those who had non believing ones. All because they were told honour them. They utter no bad words or any disrespectful behaviour, for they knew their debt to their parents was without measure. Its a bitter pill to take how disgusting our behaviour is to our parents, who are Muslim. Thank you sister for the reminder and how blunt it was. We all need to gave the harsh reality

  12. I received it when I needed it the most.
    I have been struggling with a very taib daughter in mid twenties..
    Its that sassy mouth I cant stand.
    She reads poetry and the spoken word..
    Whatever that is……
    Ya Rabb help us
    Now embarking on marriage HER CHOICE
    With a very new Revert
    How do I tell her give it TIME…..
    We need to ascertain his niat….
    Allah asturha wa Ummati Nabii SAW
    Ameen

    • Asalam alaikum, I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma,
      May Allah (swt), the most merciful, the most kind open your daughter’s heart, may He make her understand her duty towards her parents and grant her with good mannerisms and conduct towards them, ameen.

    • Well perhaps she might not have the best of mannerisms but your attitude towards her from this comment makes me think you aren’t exactly exemplifying a ‘loving mother’ – even if you don’t understand the beauty of poetry and spoken word you shouldn’t dismiss your daughter’s opinions and interests because they matter to her and she is validated to have them. If you embraced her and her interests by nurturing her with love and care, she will naturally respond with gratitude and kindness. But how can she know how to respect if she isn’t respected as an individual with rights in turn?

  13. The article bought tears to my yes, you are so right jazakallah for this excellent reminder. I lost my father last year and i try to visit my mum as often as i can but i live 90 miles away and family commitments mean i can only see once every couple of weeks. She is 76 years old and is very able minded but not so in her physical strength alhamdo lilah. we do lose our patience sometimes but your reminder has been very useful, may Allah reward you Ameen

    • Asalam Alaikum, Barak’Allahu feeki. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I will just say, when visiting your mother make her feel loved, as now she needs support the most, also make sincere dua for her and your father. May Allah help you in treating your mother with the kindness, respect and love she deserves, ameen.

  14. I am currently in a big argument with my father. We are not speaking. It pains me but he is just difficult… thank you for posting this..needed to read it. I think we forget sometimes that our parents are really only humans too.. we can’t expect them to be perfect all the time.

    • Asalam Alaikum sister,

      The fact that you’ve recognized a mistake on your part is a good sign. I’m not sure of the details – that is indeed between yourself, your father and Allah (swt) but the quicker the argument is resolved, the better it is. May Allah (swt) help you and your father to reach an understanding and increase the love in your hearts. Ameen.

      The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship” – (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5645).

  15. Assalamualaikum Sister,

    I loved reading your article and is certainly a very valuable reminder to all our young ones indeed. I would like to seek your permission to publish your articles in our quarterly islamic lifestyle magazine the “Halal World” which is published in Sri Lanka. Our readers would most certainly benefit by the important messages conveyed by you so beautifully. Eagerly await your response!

    • Walaikum asalam sis,

      Thank you for taking an interest in my article. Yes, you have my permission to share it in your magazine :)

  16. MashaAllah that was really good jazakaAllah khair sis, we’re so busy with our daily routine that we sometimes forget what they have done for us and forget the favours subhanAllah may Allah forgive us ameen

  17. What if your parents are not Muslim? Sometimes it can be so hard, because they reject your decisions and don’t let you follow Allah SWT.

  18. aoa.dear sister in Islam! your article is a good reminder at this time as I am doing my housejob after mbbs having very hectic duty hours.I become very tired and irritated at home.this article reminds me how to cope up with the situation.JazakIllah..do visit my blog and it would be nice to get your suggestions. bintehafiz.wordpress.com

  19. I love this Article and i’d a;ways try to be a good child to my parent …. but my mom got sick few years ago same year i got admission into the university , my dad business didn’t go on well too at that time and my mom was taken to a far place for treatment, she’s okay now ( Alhamdulilah) but dad dont want her to come back to our house ,Anytime i speak about my mom, my dad rather turn it to something else and say all sort of shits about her that she caused everything happening in the household .. I have been trying my best to sponsor myself to school and do some little help in the house About 3 years ago , i went to my home town, that was where mom is … I have never been there before then but i asked about the place from some of my cousin who have been there and i saw my mom …. I felt pity for her and i hope i can help her more than i have done … The problem started with me when i get back home and my dad turned out to act like and hypocrite when i told him … she’s my mom and i can never stop loving her or will forget about her .. Though she has this other woman who have been seeing him since my mom was not at home again, I’m not a good friend with her coz i know her since i was a kid , we were neighbors then and she’s harshed on me .. my mom fed her and helped her financially, now she’s acting like a step mom and been harshed on my younger ones .., I wont eat what she cooked and i told my dad i dont like her and i want her to stop coming to out house but it doesn’t work out .. She provoked me one day while my dad was at the mosque, i raised my voice on her and i called her names … when my dad came back that day i told him “this woman won’t sleep in this house tonight” . Neighbors got interested and they let her leave that same day , since she only visit us every weekend and go back tuesday .. All my sibling were happy about the act but my dad was not .. after about 3 days , i had a dialogue with him and she asked me the what made me act that way to the woman … i told him all i felt about her and how she been treating my poor younger ones and my dad said i don’t have any says coz he owns the house and even the kids, and if there’s anything ,.. I shouldn’t be the one to take control and he concluded that the lady will still be visiting and if i’m not okay with that , i should vacate the house and never come back … I have my own house and i was supposed to go back home that same day . I left but i still keep intouch with him … He called me same week for a visit, on getting there i met this woman at the sitting room, i walked in greeted her , she didn’t answer , i dont really know what my dad has in planned that night , we spoke for a little while about my Interim and when i will go back to school. During my departure i greeted her again telling her good night in the presence of my dad but she didnt respond .., i was mad but i keep calm , i called my dad to tell her about this when i got home but my dad gave me excuse that she been thinking and she dont realise i was greeting her . I stopped greeting her since then and that doesnt make I and my dad to have good relationship again … I dont care tho but i’m always trying my best to my him happy but he would say that am proud and i dont have respect for elderly person ….. Sometimes i wont visit him for weeks just call … I thought am doing the right thing but i dont want to offend Allah through my parents .. And my dad keep saying it was my mom that made me change my attitude , he would even change and misinterpret the Quran like saying if you don’t respect your father or do what your father want , you will go to jail ,.. Saying your mother doesn’t mean anything to you but your father meant alot coz he will stand for you in the presence of Allah on the day of judgment … I know the right thing but i wont argue with him … Please advise what can i do to this .. I love my family but i dont like this woman coming to my house

    • @Abdool – Sincere apologies for the late response.

      I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Being caught between separated/divorced parents is very, very difficult. Unfortunately, I don’t have the expertise to advise you on this complicated matter. However, I would highly recommend that you consult Islamic scholars for their advice. Better understanding the rights and duties of parents and children would help you to deal with the situation with more ease, I believe, as you’d be consoled by the fact that what you’re doing or have to do is for the sake of Allah (SWT), and He will reward you.

      There’s an article I came across that offers some great tips on dealing with difficult parents: http://muslimmatters.org/2010/04/30/the-mother-of-tests-balancing-islam-with-difficult-parents-2/

      Lastly, please continue to make lots of dua – for yourself, your father, and the woman. May Allah guide you and grant you the wisdom, patience, and resolve to handle this trial successfully. May He guide your father and the woman as well. Ameen.

  20. Assalamoalaikum at such young age Allah has given you a wisdom we wish and pray all kids would have inshallah . Proud of you !

  21. Assalamu alaikum
    What a beautiful article. Subhan Allah.
    May Allah(swt) bless the writer and the ProductiveMuslim community. Ameen.

  22. This was very useful by reading this the hardness of reality hit me. I am so ungrateful for my parents, I haven’t been the best to my parents. By reading this I realised how selfish I have been to my parents when they have given up everything to ensure I’m living happy, healthy and existing today. Yet I respond to my parents with anger. By reading this it’s made me cry to see the horrible person I am insha Allah I am able to change my ways and show more gratitude to my parents before its too late.

  23. Assalamu alaikum sister. I need a small help. I am having trouble finding out an ayah related to this. Other than Surat luqman and israa

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