[Reader Discussion] Restoring Ties with Family and Friends

Every month, we host a ProductiveMuslim reader discussion where you can share ideas and tips to help each other become more productive. Last month, readers shared many interesting ideas on how to have a relaxed and refreshing weekend.

The theme for this month’s discussion is restoring ties with family and friends. 

We all have fallouts with family members as well as other people we interact with regularly: differences are an inevitable part of human relationships. But there are few things that gnaw away at our focus and productivity like the stress of a strained relationship. The constant negative thoughts, misplaced feelings of animosity and unnecessary ill-will keep us distracted and unable to function normally until the conflict is resolved. It gets even worse when the conflict is left unresolved because its negative toll on our overall productivity is compounded everyday.

When differences turn into arguments which turn into unresolved grudges, and this occurs at a communal level; the productivity and stability of the entire community can be in crisis. That’s why restoring ties, especially with family members is a fundamental and highly rewarding duty in Islam. The Prophet said:

“Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.” [Al Adab Al Mufrad]

“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. [Riyadhus Saliheen]

“Allah, the Almighty and Exalted, said, ‘I am the Merciful (ar-Rahman). I have created ties of kinship and derived a name for it from My Name. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, I maintain connection with him, and I shall cut off anyone who cuts them off.'” [Al Adab Al Mufrad]

“Do not hate one another, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert each other, and O, Allah’s worshipers! Be brothers. Lo! It is not permissible for any Muslim to desert (not talk to) his brother (Muslim) for more than three days.” [Bukhari]

Are you currently in a strained relationship with a family member, friend or colleague? Or have you recently restored an important relationship and recovered from its stress? 

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and experience on how to:

• approach the person you are not on talking terms with
• defuse the ill will created by the conflict
• communicate your feelings and issues effectively
• put the past behind and make a brand new start

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