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  1. This is such a great article. Yes, i have felt like this before, but Alhamdulilah I prayed and made dua to Allah that whenever it is my time to be married, it will be the tight time with his will in sha allah. This is amazing. Jazak’allah khair ukhti

  2. Wise words and great tips. A lot of sisters think of marriage as the final goal instead of a means. Getting married fulfils our deen but we should not become less productive because ‘now I’m finally married, I can relax’. We should continue to be productive and work towards our dreams – and we should especially take advantage of our time to do this while we are single. :)

  3. i am going to be 44 years old soon. i have been asked whats wrong with me that i am not married; don’t i want children; i shouldn’t be fussy; i will get too old for children etc i have those who had thrown those who want to stay here i.e. marry so they get the visa, even offered money and behave as if they are doing me a favour..so to endure all these insults, put downs and humiliations does cause depression and an erosion of confidence and self esteem. yet i try to lift myself up and think of Allah and turn to him…what do u do when u r hammered by society and don’t get any support from ur brothers or father..the very people who islamically are meant to protect and support you.despite having a lot of health problems and not being able to work full-time because of this. sihr etc However i am not bitter and have accepted my situation relying only on Allah..and am grateful to Allah for all the other blessings He has given me..yet it isn’t easy and i have my moments of grief and sadness..what would you say to do in this situation that u r looked down upon and seen as if its self created when its Allah’s will. i have also had the comment that i do something wrong

    • Dear Farhat, :) I m glad you took the 1st step to speak about your troubles and commented here. I absolutely agree with you that everything you said it happens. The society , even our relatives snub us n hammer us down with high class non sense. But you have to stay strong. You know why? Cause It’s Allah who you’re dealing with in the end not the people. our matters are directly with Him not the people Try to draw a line between being angry and being angry with patience. The difference is, if we get angry at people and do not deal with them using hikmah, the result is likely going to be against us. We will end up shouting and hence be seen as bad people. So instead, allow yourself to be angry but just to never let others have the satisfaction of getting on ur nerves, deal with them with utmost grace and poise.Smile. :) Smile because you belong to Allah. The lord of the Alameen. The world doesnt own you.

      If you feel like talking or reaching out on any issue, feel free to contact me at my blog. May Allah be with you.

    • MashaaAllah very honest and touching, thank you for sharing your experience, and we pray to Allah to give you a good husband and increase you in strength and iman.
      if only our societies can accept women proposing to men they see suitable like Khadijah RA, or polygamy where women wholeheartedly accept to share husband with other sisters in islam. It is sad to see a dear part of the society suffer when we adopt selfish and materialistic standards and do not put Allah and the deen first. In an ideal Islamic state, if the society field to ensure singles get spouses, its the state duty to solve the problem.

      in the Hadith the profit said that The believers are like one body in their love, mercy, and compassion for each other… “The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body. When any limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever.” where are we from this…

  4. Masha’Allah this article was really good. I found it so inspiring and helpful. The suggestions are practical and achievable and its very realistic. This reminds us of our main purpose on this earth and it makes us focus on the positive.

    JazakAllah Khayr for a wonderful article, may Allah Almighty reward you.

    • M touched and humbled by your nice comments. So many people reaching out to me to say thanks and give me duas. This alone is sufficient for me to realise Allah loves me alot and He loves us all.

      May He bless you :)

  5. Assalaamualaikum wrwb,

    Dearest ukhti Pervisha, Indeed beautifully and intellectually written. Am sure it helps alot to overcome those repercussions due to negativity around nikah matters.
    Jazak’Allah khair, remember us in your precious supplications please!

    • walaikum salam warehmatullahi wabarakatuhu my precious reader,
      I think am finally going to start crying over such tremendous comments from people. Masha Allah, so many read it. Alhamdulillah. Truly, There’s no Lord but Allah.. Please always remember me in your duas and I pray May Allah swt love you so much every day and bless you. Ameen.

  6. Assalamu’alaykum…. subhanallah :) .. great article.. indeed, I do have a dream to get married on early age.. my range of age to get married is 21-24 .. and I’m 20 right now… but, even I want to get married early.. I’m not really focus on it.. I keep the balance on which one is more important right now.. I keep myself busy with many kind of programs.. the programs that will improve myself, inshaAllah :) .. I do believe that Allah has keep me a right man for me.. inshaAllah, I’ll get married soon when the right time has come.. inshaAllah :) .. keep calm and pray .. Chill :D

    • :) walaikum salam. thank you for reading. I wish you all the best duas for your dream to come true. May you get a nice man insha Allah and ameen. And remember that whatever happens , happens with the will of Allah. So always pray that whenever marriage is best for you, let it come to you.and may it be the best time Keeping personal goals in good but pinning too much bet on time is not wise. Remember, Time is controlled by Allah :) not by humans.

  7. Iv sat here over and over agian thinking about this title – of being a single Muslimah, so often pondering over what Allah SWT has in place for me, paired with the comments from family and parents.
    What a beautiful article, thank you so much for this.

  8. Jazakha’Allahu Khair I wish to thank the productive Muslim page for all the good work its been doing for the sake of Alla, contributing possivetively to the lives of many including my self may Allah’s Rahma continue to be with you and you sister thanks so much for making out time to write this wonderful article it has really been so benefical…..

  9. Jazaka Allahu Khairan for.thia article, it’a really helpfull and I’m going to implement a lot lf thesw things into my life. Whenever sad thoughs about this topic come to my mind. I think that how can I complete the deen of someone else when I haven’t completed mine jet. like I.i have to improve my deen, get closer to Allah and then, He.will send me the one who was meant for me.

  10. Salaamunalaikum, JazaakiALLAHU bi khairaat. This is an excellent article.It has touched on a sensitive subject that’s almost at the level of stigmatisation in Muslim communities world wide. You have also offered valuable insight on dealing with it. When a Muslima is faced with this type challenge, spiritual fortitude is the answer. Obviously, people are likely to talk but it is how it is taken that will determine its effect . As you pointed out it’s a state of mind matter, in which checking intrinsic and extraneous suggestions is necessary. All can successfully be dealt with by referring to The Clear, Majestic, Glorious and Holy Qur’aan. See Surah 7 Verses 200-201and Surah 23 Verses 97-98.Mankind, obviously has no respite to the challenges except through The Holy Qur’aan. May ALLAH SubhanaHU wa Ta ‘ ala continue to guide us on the straight path.

    • walaikum salam and thank you for reading. These are indeed hard times but Alhamdulillah we have been given The Book of Light. May Allah give us taufeeq to follow it. ameen.

  11. salaamualeykum sister,
    what can i say ? though i am a brother i found your article so helpful and inspirational for our dear sisters, InshaALLAH, i will share it with other bothers and sisters, there are so many sisters out there suffering in silence! May ALLAH Ajawajjal rewards you in this dunya and akhira and made a good husband easy for all our sisters, Ameen

  12. Sister Pervisha, MaaShaa’Allah this was an amazing article! And has come at a time I much needed it, Alhamdulillah I realised that being productive for the Sake of Allah was the only way to overcome these thoughts however there are times when others comments and actions really put you down, I loved this:

    ‘their words do get to you in a painful way and you can’t help not getting affected by it. So allow yourself to be upset but pick yourself up and simply move on. That’s how I do it.”

    You’ve shared some great tips!

    • Thank you for commenting ,Naz. May Allah reward you and be your best guide ever. Ameen. The words you liked the most are said by a friend, I interviewed during article writing. Although she’s married now but I often ask her for a pep talk myself when am down. Please remember her in duas.

  13. Thank you thank you, thank you soooooo much for writing this article. You are hundreds and thousands of miles away from me but I feel like you are standing right beside me, holding my hands and saying “Everything is going to be fine.” I guss sometimes that’s all you need. A few kind words. Thank you sister.

    • :) Dear Rubina, Allah is closer to us than we can imagine. But because we are humans and it is important for us to have a shoulder to cry on, a physical one so Whenever we are down, He sends us His love through a person. My words were a gift for you from Allah,I had nothing to do with it.Its all His doing. But thank you.May Allah bless you.please remember me in duas.

  14. BarakAllah o fik for this article, subhanAllah i found it when i needed the most. I’m 30 and by the will of Allah i ‘m not married and i’m worried about that. I don’t work anymore since 7 months so i have a lot of time and i can’t stop thinking. My parents are sad that i’m not still married and i’m feeling sad for them but i’ve accepted Allah’s decree. I would like to be helpful for the oumma but i don’t know what to do. I pray Allah everyday to show me the way that leads me toward a good project that can be beneficial for both worlds and to occupy my mind. If you have any idea, please let me know. May Allah grant all muslimah with good husbands.

    • Dear samya, do not be sad. In shaa Allah you will get to read more from me on this subject which I hope will benefit you. I advise you to make a list of your interests and a list of your talents and skills. Work in the way which is more closer to heart. Keeping oneself busy is good but keeping oneself busy in the right direction is more meaningful. If I see any project for you ill definitely contact u. Please stay in touch with me via my blog and drop in ur contact info if you can so I can read you.
      walaikum salam and much love.

      • ‘aleykum salam sister, thank you for your reply. I’m looking forward to read you. In sha Allah I’ll follow your advice. I went on your blog but I don’t know where I could leave you my email.
        BarakAllah o fik

        • If you have twitter my dear, follow me there @khanumsays . you can send me your email address in the DM there then. The reason am not putting out my email address here is because of the stalker issue I had last year. It’s strange though,I am no celebrity yet people stalk and then it gets annoying. :) I hope you understand.

          • My God, people are crazy ! My Allah protect you from that kind of people. I will follow you in sha Allah.

    • Amine sister samya. Dont think youre alone in your case. Don’t loose hope because Allah swt is near of you and listen what you want. The success is next. Take care. Fatima

    • dear samya

      Asalaam a laikum, you are not alone. I am 34 and im still not married, i have found the strength to carry on, hold on and believe in Allah (SWT). Its not easy by any means, everyday is a new day. If you focus on other activities and keep a connection with Allah (SWT) for sure there will a way, Insha’Allah. May Allah (SWT)grant us all khair in this world and the hereafter.

      There is a dua that many sisters have given me and I would like to share it with you : Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir – “Oh my Lord! truly am I in need of any good that you send me” Al-Qasas 28.24

      I read this daily *100

    • I forgot to say, I would develop on any activity that you enjoy. You dont need to set yourself a major task. Start with something small, for e.g. I enjoy photography. I take my camera with me wherever I am (these days our smart phones have great cameras built in! so its easy to take pictures where ever you may be) I take pictures of flowers, buildings anything that catches my eye and then use them to make post cards, bookmarks even canvases – either using geometric shapes or islamic calligraphy. Start on a mini project – even if its a subject that you are interested in – research on the topic, go to the library, visit museums, look at old magazines, anything to get you started. InshaAllah. Or if you have wanted to learn about a culture or learn a new language – make a start on this now – the key is to take out time for this hobby/interest and stick to it – even if you only spend ten minutes on it. I hope this has helped somewhat. Please stay in touch if you need any other hints and tips – InshaAllah

      • ‘Aleykum salam Fozia, thank you for your soothe words. It’s better to be single than to be with a bad husband so I say to myself al hamduLilah, it’s a blessing in disguise. You have very passionate hobbies ma sha Allah. Personnaly I try to improve my english, I read books…I’d love to travel as well but unfortunately it’s not safe for a woman to go alone…
        Thank you for your tips, that’s really interesting, I’ll try some of them In sha Allah. May Allah bless you sister and thank you to take the time to write to me :-)

        • You are very welcome my dear sister, if you would like to stay in touch and need any help with learning English please dont feel shy to contact me. Ive learnt to stay positive slowly, it needs a lot of strength and that strength and goodness is only form Allah SWT – be thankful all the time and do lots of astaghfa May Allah SWT grant us all good in this world and the akhira – Ameen

  15. jazakallah beautiful comforting article.i was alone in life after reading the article i feel special and not alone.thank you so much!!

  16. Assalamu alaikum

    Dear uhthi

    Masha Allah. The biggest burden is escaping from the wolfs. The men will start to see you as if you will come for free. I hope you understand. And the relatives, neighbors etc.

    our own pity also kill us. Allah swt is the only refuge. have courage. and rely completely on Allah. Try to do something that give you some money. I mean if you dependent on someone that will be burden for them and for us. So first try to do something to support you. And always be cautious about man. Even imams, religious ones.

    Marriage is a part of life. Not life itself. there is much more. try to look for others lives who are not married while success in their lives especially ladies.

    nothing more to pen. May Allah swt help all my sisters marry a good religious men and make this ummah a righteous one.

    Assalamu alaikum

    • walaikum salam. May Allah bless you and give you reward for reading. Marriage is truly a part of life not life itself. you spoke very wisely. stay blessed and thank you.

  17. Masha’Allah nice article. Thank you for sharing your experience.
    I am a 34 years young woman and also single. I recognize myself in your story. I used to feel very depressed too because of families and other relatives commenting on my situation. “Why aren’t you married yet, you are such a beautiful woman. Don’t be so picky”. At one point I had it and did something out of the box. I thought…I have to do something new…something out of my comfort zone. So, I went abroad all alone to take a language course (very simple, but effective for me). Ever since I have been trying to do all sort of things to meet new people and learn new things. This way my thoughts became positive and now I feel like I can enjoy life to the fullest. I strongly believe Allah (swt) has a purpose for me and all other single Muslim sisters out there. It is up to us to discover what our purpose is by educating ourselves and meeting new people. Of course, I still have ups and downs, but I’ll cry it out overnight and the next day I’ll be up positive again. I haven’t found my purpose in life yet, but I appreciate all the little changes in my life and strongly believe that Allah (swt) will guide me through life and reward me with happiness at the right time in life…Insha’Allah.

    • Dear Sabah, thank you for ur comments and may Allah give u immense rewards for ur good nature and sabr. I totally understand every word you said. I would advise you not to take this “single” status as a curse. It sure is bit hard, kind of a test but eventually it will pass. Be positive. You’ll find happiness iA with a great man. Just till that happens, try to find the happiness within. This is like the most important part of your life where Allah is giving you time to be with yourself, you know. Take it as a gift. And the beauty of being grateful to Allah is, more doors for blessings open up.
      :)

    • I know exactly how you feel and understand each word that you are expressing. I am 34 too and in the same boat, im currently visiting family abroad, all I have got from them are hurtful comments and why are you hurting your parents by not marrying? Its not like I dont want to get married, off course I do. Its in Allah (SWT) Divine wisdom, it will happen when it happens if its meant to be. Alhamdulillah, I have kept myself busy and upon reading this article the heart somewhat lifted. Insha’Allah I have been lucky that I have been able to travel and also pursue my hobbies to keep me going. I pray for all the sisters that Allah Most High will facilitate a meaningful life for them and grant you a righteous husband insha’Allah too. Ameen – May He Most High keep you and us all safe and in Emaan. Ameen

  18. salaam
    thank you so much sister for this article. i will must share with my friends and sisters .
    Jazak Allah Khair

    • Thanks for reading my dear, and you have a very valid question. I suggest u to stay tuned to or in touch with me at my blog, to explore more on this. :)

  19. Assalamu’alaikum sister
    Jazaak Allahu khairan sister i am single 22 yrs old i get lot of madhi discharge i keep on thinking about sexual things i dont want to but sometimes it comes and stays i feel nervous and tired because of these thoughts not able to do my studies also what advice do u have?

    • walaikum salam sister,
      I hear you and Allah is hearing you too. The best way to combat your desires is to stay in control of your emotions. Watch out for any triggers that lead you towards thinking about things you can’t afford at the moment. Make lots of duas and get yourself busy. A busy mind doesn’t have time to think about such things.

  20. I’m going to turn 26 this year, and as much as I’m trying not be sad, I can’t help it at times. It sucks to be alone…and apparently the fact that I’m 25 is worrisome to some brothers. I don’t want a guy who’s 33 and single who judges me for being 25 and single, but I don’t understand why they have to have that mentality to begin with. Whatever is meant to be will happen though. :(

    • Dear M, :) calm down. The only way you can have people respect you is to first respect your own situation and personality. The way you treat yourself gives others a view on how to treat you. So be confident. Don’t worry. Being single is not a curse. Not a disease or an infection. It’s just a phase, or a state of being. Nothing to worry about. Surrender your worries to Allah.

  21. Masha Allah! I do not have adjectives to describe how I felt after reading this article,will In sha Allah share with as much sisters as I can,because the society I live in,judges and make life difficult for such women. Jazakillahu Khairan Sister for this.

  22. I found strength in this article knowing I am not alone in this situation. Pressure from people and family can be so difficult and embarrassing and the root of the problem for the other feelings you have described. A constant question I am faced with by people who think they have a right to question is “why I don’t get married? ” as if I am the cause of my own problems. How do I respond to these people saying that the only thing I wish for is to be married and settled but if allah hasn’t yet willed it who am I suppose to marry. How do I even respond with any notion when right that moment I am made to feel embarrassed, unwanted by any man and worthless that I must give up all hope take myself to a country abroad and marry for the sake of marrying any man to fulfill a marriage for namesakes.

    I feel it is people who get me down and loose hope in Allah and his ultimate plan for me. It is them who make me feel it is my fault that I am not yet married and dismiss the will of allah. May allah make it easy for all those sisters who are searching and provide us with strength to be patient.

    • Dear Begum, First of all, my apologies for replying to you late. I checked this article of mine again today out of the blue and found your comment. Thank you for reading it , and God bless you for your kind words. I am glad you liked it.
      Now , as for your sad questions and heart felt pain.My dear sisters, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with people. And nothing wrong with you too. It sounds confusing right? But let me explain it to you.
      People are always going to “people”. Its their business to be that way. What you should do is, be yourself. Be positively stubborn in your nature. Stand up for urself, you dont need to entertain their questions. Don’t involve yourself with the kind of people who force you to answer them so it can fill them. Be happy, be grateful for the good things in life and shrug off negative people from life like they dont matter. Although I know people can get on nerves and hurt on many deep levels with their questions about marriage, but here’s what is in your power: Being Absolutely fabulous and strong that when they look at you, they are mesmerized by the success on your face and forget everything else. That’s the thing about people. They need something to talk about. So feed them the good part to talk about. And they would no longer have the power to hurt you on the part where you’re vulnerable. :) God bless you. if you have further queries, you can reach me at my site, khanumsays.com. or Facebook page.

  23. Its nice to know that muslimas like me are going through the same thing. Indeed i am beginning to accept this is what Allah swt has decreed for me. I have been reading and listening to the tafsirs of the Quran for nearly 2 years now. I do my prayers daily now and keep at it. Its true you feel sad when your peers or youngers get married and have babies..and you yourself are struggling to find someone. But indeed is the hardest when u don’t have the support of certain family members during these times. When they force you with words to sway you to marry who they want you to marry, regardless of your feelings. What irritates me most is when they say “were not forcing you” and yet they smother me with words of persuasion. Or “you should marry a man visa as they are less inclined to leave you, or cheat on you as they will be forever undebted to you- for the passport. Never mind the stories of people in the asian community getting divorce -on one main reason of marrying a guy on a visa. There are good. And there are bad. Regardless, it is my right to choose who i want to marry and not be pressured into doing so. Im beginning to think they have no empathy or realise what effect their words have on me, as when they are in hard situations i listen rather than tell them what to do or what not to do. I make dua Allah blesses me soon with a righteous husband. Ill never forget the words of my sister who said “u need to marry someone in the interests of the family- not yourself. And if you do marry of your own free choice, you will not have the support of this family if it all goes wrong. Of course i know this isn’t true, what my family could disown me in some way but her words stuck in my head ever since. She practises as well so i wouldve thought her above anyone would support me regardless. Well i guess she doesn’t possess the great muslima qualities.

  24. Good article.
    Easier written than done.
    People can preach, but those who has to endure it especially when one’s age is not as young knows that it’s super difficult. As much you try want to do productive things to take your mind off the issue, there’s lotsa limitation as single person like safety, companionship. I wish there’re more achievable productive things listed above. The matter of truth, in this world we live in as single muslim individuals, it’s super difficult to not feel depress and sad. That just the way it is. Making dua helps lessen the pain.

    • Salam dear, Thankyou for reading.
      I understand your worries. Trials are a part of life and I am also single. I do not know how old are you but no matter what age you’re at, being hard on yourself or others won’t get you anywhere my dear. At a time like this, wisdom lies in holding on to the rope of Allah swt, being strong financially as well as mentally and making dua as well as practical efforts to find a suitable man.
      I pray you the best in both the worlds. Ameen

  25. Salaam sister,
    I just came across this article today…. JazahAllah Khair!
    I turned 30 last year and although i have been thinking about the idea of getting married on & off for the last couple of years, i sometimes feel that i am not ready to get married and push this to the back burner. I feel i have been doing this for too long & i should now start to be more proactively searching for a spouse.
    Friends have advised to try online Muslim matrimonial sites but i am not comfortable with these and therefore have not signed up to any yet. Is there an article which helps identify the halal ways of finding a spouse? I am intending to sign up for a marriage service at the mosque near work Inn Shaa Allah, but again i am debating with myself if this would be the right time in my life, i have various interests/ambitions which i would love to explore and sometimes i think this would be easier to achieve with a spouse such as travelling the world.

    I don’t want to get married just for the sake of getting married, i want someone who will enhance my life and i theirs and bring us closer to Allah (SWT) Inn Shaa Allah.

    In the meantime Allah (SWT) has blessed me with the inclination to pursue Islamic knowledge / lifelong learning – although this is on a part time basis, i feel this has already benefited me – Alhumdulillah!

    I pray for all us single sisters that Allah provides us with righteous & pious husbands. Ameen.

  26. Avery thoughtful and beautifully written article
    May Allah bless you sister, I am sure this beautiful message of encouragement and love and support will touch so many lives. Continue the good work, our society needs people with big hearts like you soooo much :)

  27. Subhanallah, I’m encouraged by the positive comments. I’m also over 30 and unmarried. I’m in a country where my race/religion is part of a minority and have immense trouble meeting muslim men.

    I believed that my small muslim community was backward, shallow and non-progressive, that women are discarded as soon as they are not a “certain age” or of a certain “appearance”. Conversely, I’ve had a lot of positive attention from non-muslim men who found me attractive. It made me think of abandoning my Iman, since it’s so hard to find a partner while trying to look for a muslim man. Why should I deny my needs and be alone, waiting for a non-existent unicorn of a man??
    While Allah SWT had high ideals and principles outlined in the Quran, Islamic societies failed to live up to this, I felt – especially when it comes to valuing women as people instead of commodities in a sexual market.

    Truly humbled by some of the responses I have read here that others (in a similar situation) are patiently focusing on their lives and putting their faith in Allah.

  28. JazakALLAH sister, sometimes all we need is a reminder. Some advice form someone going through same situation is a great help. Your words have comforted me. May Allah bless you for that :)

  29. Thanks alot,. For ds wonderful meaningful article,. I m going through de same situation ,. Was polio patient bt Alhmdulillah done wd gud physical health aftr surgeries,. Compltd my degree ov 5 yrz in uni,. Bt stil single evn my youngr sis whoz been 6 yrz yongr dn me got married n m stil at d same phase,. Bt Alhmdulillah i have a belief dat Allah has some bettr plans fo me n He luvz me aso much ;. :) bt nwadayz i was feelng smhw down n sad n by reading ds one m glad to c myslf on de peace,. Alhmdulillah i have startd Quran wd translation n tafseer,. N doing prayrz on tym n along wd tahajud ,. De more m stressed more i feel Allah in me n everywhere,. My belief rises up day by day,. Allah has chosen me by ur article i come to knw dt.. JazakAllah