Ways to Stay Proactive for Single Muslimahs

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Ways to Stay Proactive for Single Muslimahs | Productive Muslim

Photo by Jonathan Phillips: flickr[dot]com/photos/paperbydesign/

“Our Lord, perfect for us our light and forgive us. Indeed, You are over all things competent.” [Qur'an: Chapter 66, Verse 8]

We all wish to marry and settle down with a comforting partner in our lives. Especially women. They begin to hope and dream of a husband usually during their teens. The budding desire to have half our deen completed as soon as possible is quite strong in women. Women want to have a spouse who practically makes her life incredible with each passing moon, and kids who make her home a heaven. Truly, which woman wouldn’t want a picture perfect family in her life?

Every female wants this dream. And with this desire, comes a pressure for many Muslim females i.e., getting married at a youthful age. That’s right. While men do not deal with this pressure, many women do. The younger, the better.

On the other hand this tradition often leads towards too many low self-esteem points for single sisters out there who haven’t found their other half yet and feel like they are either forever alone or forever destined to be single.

Soon, they begin to develop serious depression as they watch their friends and even younger peers get married. Many are even left feeling like their youth is wasted if they are not married while they are young.

This article is penned down as a gift and advice from one single sister for her other single sisters out there who are feeling down and need help to see the light of iman. I hope that you can gain wisdom from this and beat the obstacles to being productive, as Islam inspires us to do.

Identify the Negative Thoughts That’s Bringing You Down

The first and most foremost step is to realise the basic things that disturb you regarding your single marital status. Then using Hikmah, overcome that notion with a highly productive and halal thing in life to turn your sad days into blissful ones.

I have listed below major thoughts that come to mind and lure us towards negativity. Hunt them down, sisters – with antidotes! – before they hunt you down.

  1. What good I am if am not married in youthful age?
  2. Oh! What would become of me if I cross 25! I’ll get even older.
  3. How will I enjoy my life if I am not married soon?
  4. Oh no! What would my relatives say! She finished her studies but she’s still not married?!
  5. Why has Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) put me through this?
  6. I have to hunt a husband soon or I’ll be too old to get married one day.
  7. Am I not pretty?
  8. I am a failure…
  9. Maybe I should give up the hijab!
  10. And so on…

If none of these thoughts have ever crossed your mind, Masha Allah and Subhan Allah, congratulations on your firm belief in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and His works.

But if any of these thoughts has crossed your mind, be alert sister! You are suffering from a state which paralyses your soul and halts productivity in beautiful Muslimahs – Muslimahs who probably can make a good difference in this world or someone’s life. Remember, shaytan’s greatest enemy is the soul that is most pleasing and dutiful to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), so he tries to dishearten you and spoil your life.

This is where you need to be wise and patient. For Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) orders in Qur’an, “Say: “Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us; He is our Protector”. And upon Allah let the believers rely.” [Qur’an Chapter 9: Verse 51].

6 Antidotes to Negative Thoughts & Sadness

  1. Dedicate your youth to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) if a husband hasn’t come yet

    The reasons for not being able to get married yet can vary, but just because marriage hasn’t come to you yet, it does not mean that your youth – or your whole life – is wasted, sister. If you regret losing time in waiting for a spouse, then turn the tables by dedicating your youthful single days to Allah’s cause and obedience.

    This way you won’t feel sad nor regret losing beautiful days. In fact, if Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is with you every day, what have you lost? After all, among the seven who would be provided shade under His shade on the day is the youth who grew up worshipping Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He)[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

  2. Start a noble project

    You’re only young once. Would you really let it slip away while you mourn over being single, or would you rather do something productive for the sake of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He)? Once again, turn the tables over and start an amazing project. Let this project be one that is beneficial for both your present time in the dunya and the akhirah.

    Maybe you could start on a noble project that you can pass on to your children and further generations as legacy. One idea is to produce a copy of handwritten Qur’an using beautiful calligraphy. I’m sure you can think of many more ideas!

  3. Don’t pay heed to what others say. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is your Protector and Caretaker

    I know that family pressures tend to bubble up and make your life unhappy. In the words of someone I interviewed for this article, “It’s not easy with these destructive relatives; but I focus on what I have, not on what I do not have, and definitely not on others’ opinions about me. But you know how it is – their words do get to you in a painful way and you can’t help not getting affected by it. So allow yourself to be upset but pick yourself up and simply move on. That’s how I do it.”

    Remember that pain is just a state of mind. You can think your way out of everything, even pain. Try not to involve yourself in arguments, avoid the company of negative people, be wise and exit an uncomfortable situation politely. And if you feel burdened, pray, “Our Lord! Lay not upon us such a burden as You did lay upon those before us.” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 286]

  4. Know you’re special and were born with an aim in this world

    We are special, sisters! The special creation of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) with an aim in this world. There’s nothing wrong with your face or mind or hijab or your nose to be honest. Our life, though filled with not-so-pleasant moments sometimes, is a gift from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). We’ll always be tested. There will be tears but there will also be laughter and love. You have the right to live your life however you want it to. Marriage isn’t something you can force. Trust in Allah’s plan for you and be strong.

  5. Take the education route

    Take advantage of the time and freedom you have and invest in education. It could be a language course or a degree. Don’t miss out on the time. Make Hazrat Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) your role model and pursue education with noble passion and zeal. She is considered one of the great female scholars in Islam. This is your opportunity to educate yourself in the best manner for the sake of becoming a good educated mother and a wife in the future, In sha Allah.

  6. Know that there has to be a reason why Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has chosen this for you

    To believe in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) requires total faith in His Actions and what he wills for you. Try to sit alone for a few minutes and talk to your soul. Then reason with your heart and inform your nafs that there is a reason why Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has chosen this situation for you.

    Maybe He desires that you fulfill a very important task in life for His sake, so He decrees that you stay single till you have achieved that aim? Or maybe He wants to reward you with something great and this ordeal is a test for you. So make istighfar as much as you can, and make dua to your Lord to grant you victory and peace and fill your heart with serenity and love. Then make lots of dua for your future spouse’s khair.

    And always say, “O My Lord, Whenever you wish for me to be married, let it be for good and happiness”.

Some Final Words of Comfort

If you wish to recite dua from Qur’an, take refuge in this verse: “And those who say,”Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

If you fill your heart with love for Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and His Rasool ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), I can guarantee that all these hurdles and troubling thoughts concerning marriage will perish and you will see yourself as a productive Muslimah who is making a difference in the world of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).

May Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) be your Light, my Light, our Light. Ameen.

 

About the Author: 

Pervisha Khan has an M.Phil degree in Mass Communication – Research. Apart from Photography, Writing on various themes, maintaining a blog and social research, Productive arts and learning multiple disciplines is something she extremely enjoys. Currently, she’s serving as a dedicated writer and sub editor at Habibi Halaqas. Follow her on her blog here.


85 thoughts on “Ways to Stay Proactive for Single Muslimahs

  1. This is such a great article. Yes, i have felt like this before, but Alhamdulilah I prayed and made dua to Allah that whenever it is my time to be married, it will be the tight time with his will in sha allah. This is amazing. Jazak’allah khair ukhti

  2. Wise words and great tips. A lot of sisters think of marriage as the final goal instead of a means. Getting married fulfils our deen but we should not become less productive because ‘now I’m finally married, I can relax’. We should continue to be productive and work towards our dreams – and we should especially take advantage of our time to do this while we are single. :)

  3. i am going to be 44 years old soon. i have been asked whats wrong with me that i am not married; don’t i want children; i shouldn’t be fussy; i will get too old for children etc i have those who had thrown those who want to stay here i.e. marry so they get the visa, even offered money and behave as if they are doing me a favour..so to endure all these insults, put downs and humiliations does cause depression and an erosion of confidence and self esteem. yet i try to lift myself up and think of Allah and turn to him…what do u do when u r hammered by society and don’t get any support from ur brothers or father..the very people who islamically are meant to protect and support you.despite having a lot of health problems and not being able to work full-time because of this. sihr etc However i am not bitter and have accepted my situation relying only on Allah..and am grateful to Allah for all the other blessings He has given me..yet it isn’t easy and i have my moments of grief and sadness..what would you say to do in this situation that u r looked down upon and seen as if its self created when its Allah’s will. i have also had the comment that i do something wrong

    1. Dear Farhat, :) I m glad you took the 1st step to speak about your troubles and commented here. I absolutely agree with you that everything you said it happens. The society , even our relatives snub us n hammer us down with high class non sense. But you have to stay strong. You know why? Cause It’s Allah who you’re dealing with in the end not the people. our matters are directly with Him not the people Try to draw a line between being angry and being angry with patience. The difference is, if we get angry at people and do not deal with them using hikmah, the result is likely going to be against us. We will end up shouting and hence be seen as bad people. So instead, allow yourself to be angry but just to never let others have the satisfaction of getting on ur nerves, deal with them with utmost grace and poise.Smile. :) Smile because you belong to Allah. The lord of the Alameen. The world doesnt own you.

      If you feel like talking or reaching out on any issue, feel free to contact me at my blog. May Allah be with you.

  4. Masha’Allah this article was really good. I found it so inspiring and helpful. The suggestions are practical and achievable and its very realistic. This reminds us of our main purpose on this earth and it makes us focus on the positive.

    JazakAllah Khayr for a wonderful article, may Allah Almighty reward you.

    1. M touched and humbled by your nice comments. So many people reaching out to me to say thanks and give me duas. This alone is sufficient for me to realise Allah loves me alot and He loves us all.

      May He bless you :)

  5. Assalaamualaikum wrwb,

    Dearest ukhti Pervisha, Indeed beautifully and intellectually written. Am sure it helps alot to overcome those repercussions due to negativity around nikah matters.
    Jazak’Allah khair, remember us in your precious supplications please!

    1. walaikum salam warehmatullahi wabarakatuhu my precious reader,
      I think am finally going to start crying over such tremendous comments from people. Masha Allah, so many read it. Alhamdulillah. Truly, There’s no Lord but Allah.. Please always remember me in your duas and I pray May Allah swt love you so much every day and bless you. Ameen.

  6. Assalamu’alaykum…. subhanallah :) .. great article.. indeed, I do have a dream to get married on early age.. my range of age to get married is 21-24 .. and I’m 20 right now… but, even I want to get married early.. I’m not really focus on it.. I keep the balance on which one is more important right now.. I keep myself busy with many kind of programs.. the programs that will improve myself, inshaAllah :) .. I do believe that Allah has keep me a right man for me.. inshaAllah, I’ll get married soon when the right time has come.. inshaAllah :) .. keep calm and pray .. Chill :D

    1. :) walaikum salam. thank you for reading. I wish you all the best duas for your dream to come true. May you get a nice man insha Allah and ameen. And remember that whatever happens , happens with the will of Allah. So always pray that whenever marriage is best for you, let it come to you.and may it be the best time Keeping personal goals in good but pinning too much bet on time is not wise. Remember, Time is controlled by Allah :) not by humans.

  7. Iv sat here over and over agian thinking about this title – of being a single Muslimah, so often pondering over what Allah SWT has in place for me, paired with the comments from family and parents.
    What a beautiful article, thank you so much for this.

  8. Jazakha’Allahu Khair I wish to thank the productive Muslim page for all the good work its been doing for the sake of Alla, contributing possivetively to the lives of many including my self may Allah’s Rahma continue to be with you and you sister thanks so much for making out time to write this wonderful article it has really been so benefical…..

  9. Jazaka Allahu Khairan for.thia article, it’a really helpfull and I’m going to implement a lot lf thesw things into my life. Whenever sad thoughs about this topic come to my mind. I think that how can I complete the deen of someone else when I haven’t completed mine jet. like I.i have to improve my deen, get closer to Allah and then, He.will send me the one who was meant for me.

  10. Salaamunalaikum, JazaakiALLAHU bi khairaat. This is an excellent article.It has touched on a sensitive subject that’s almost at the level of stigmatisation in Muslim communities world wide. You have also offered valuable insight on dealing with it. When a Muslima is faced with this type challenge, spiritual fortitude is the answer. Obviously, people are likely to talk but it is how it is taken that will determine its effect . As you pointed out it’s a state of mind matter, in which checking intrinsic and extraneous suggestions is necessary. All can successfully be dealt with by referring to The Clear, Majestic, Glorious and Holy Qur’aan. See Surah 7 Verses 200-201and Surah 23 Verses 97-98.Mankind, obviously has no respite to the challenges except through The Holy Qur’aan. May ALLAH SubhanaHU wa Ta ‘ ala continue to guide us on the straight path.

    1. walaikum salam and thank you for reading. These are indeed hard times but Alhamdulillah we have been given The Book of Light. May Allah give us taufeeq to follow it. ameen.

  11. salaamualeykum sister,
    what can i say ? though i am a brother i found your article so helpful and inspirational for our dear sisters, InshaALLAH, i will share it with other bothers and sisters, there are so many sisters out there suffering in silence! May ALLAH Ajawajjal rewards you in this dunya and akhira and made a good husband easy for all our sisters, Ameen

    1. walaikum salam brother and you have said the nicest things a brother could say here.May Allah give you immense reward for spreading the article and May He immensely love you and always be your Light. Ameen.

  12. Sister Pervisha, MaaShaa’Allah this was an amazing article! And has come at a time I much needed it, Alhamdulillah I realised that being productive for the Sake of Allah was the only way to overcome these thoughts however there are times when others comments and actions really put you down, I loved this:

    ‘their words do get to you in a painful way and you can’t help not getting affected by it. So allow yourself to be upset but pick yourself up and simply move on. That’s how I do it.”

    You’ve shared some great tips!

    1. Thank you for commenting ,Naz. May Allah reward you and be your best guide ever. Ameen. The words you liked the most are said by a friend, I interviewed during article writing. Although she’s married now but I often ask her for a pep talk myself when am down. Please remember her in duas.

  13. Thank you thank you, thank you soooooo much for writing this article. You are hundreds and thousands of miles away from me but I feel like you are standing right beside me, holding my hands and saying “Everything is going to be fine.” I guss sometimes that’s all you need. A few kind words. Thank you sister.

    1. :) Dear Rubina, Allah is closer to us than we can imagine. But because we are humans and it is important for us to have a shoulder to cry on, a physical one so Whenever we are down, He sends us His love through a person. My words were a gift for you from Allah,I had nothing to do with it.Its all His doing. But thank you.May Allah bless you.please remember me in duas.

  14. BarakAllah o fik for this article, subhanAllah i found it when i needed the most. I’m 30 and by the will of Allah i ‘m not married and i’m worried about that. I don’t work anymore since 7 months so i have a lot of time and i can’t stop thinking. My parents are sad that i’m not still married and i’m feeling sad for them but i’ve accepted Allah’s decree. I would like to be helpful for the oumma but i don’t know what to do. I pray Allah everyday to show me the way that leads me toward a good project that can be beneficial for both worlds and to occupy my mind. If you have any idea, please let me know. May Allah grant all muslimah with good husbands.

    1. Dear samya, do not be sad. In shaa Allah you will get to read more from me on this subject which I hope will benefit you. I advise you to make a list of your interests and a list of your talents and skills. Work in the way which is more closer to heart. Keeping oneself busy is good but keeping oneself busy in the right direction is more meaningful. If I see any project for you ill definitely contact u. Please stay in touch with me via my blog and drop in ur contact info if you can so I can read you.
      walaikum salam and much love.

      1. ‘aleykum salam sister, thank you for your reply. I’m looking forward to read you. In sha Allah I’ll follow your advice. I went on your blog but I don’t know where I could leave you my email.
        BarakAllah o fik

        1. If you have twitter my dear, follow me there @khanumsays . you can send me your email address in the DM there then. The reason am not putting out my email address here is because of the stalker issue I had last year. It’s strange though,I am no celebrity yet people stalk and then it gets annoying. :) I hope you understand.

    2. Amine sister samya. Dont think youre alone in your case. Don’t loose hope because Allah swt is near of you and listen what you want. The success is next. Take care. Fatima

    3. dear samya

      Asalaam a laikum, you are not alone. I am 34 and im still not married, i have found the strength to carry on, hold on and believe in Allah (SWT). Its not easy by any means, everyday is a new day. If you focus on other activities and keep a connection with Allah (SWT) for sure there will a way, Insha’Allah. May Allah (SWT)grant us all khair in this world and the hereafter.

      There is a dua that many sisters have given me and I would like to share it with you : Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir – “Oh my Lord! truly am I in need of any good that you send me” Al-Qasas 28.24

      I read this daily *100

    4. I forgot to say, I would develop on any activity that you enjoy. You dont need to set yourself a major task. Start with something small, for e.g. I enjoy photography. I take my camera with me wherever I am (these days our smart phones have great cameras built in! so its easy to take pictures where ever you may be) I take pictures of flowers, buildings anything that catches my eye and then use them to make post cards, bookmarks even canvases – either using geometric shapes or islamic calligraphy. Start on a mini project – even if its a subject that you are interested in – research on the topic, go to the library, visit museums, look at old magazines, anything to get you started. InshaAllah. Or if you have wanted to learn about a culture or learn a new language – make a start on this now – the key is to take out time for this hobby/interest and stick to it – even if you only spend ten minutes on it. I hope this has helped somewhat. Please stay in touch if you need any other hints and tips – InshaAllah

      1. ‘Aleykum salam Fozia, thank you for your soothe words. It’s better to be single than to be with a bad husband so I say to myself al hamduLilah, it’s a blessing in disguise. You have very passionate hobbies ma sha Allah. Personnaly I try to improve my english, I read books…I’d love to travel as well but unfortunately it’s not safe for a woman to go alone…
        Thank you for your tips, that’s really interesting, I’ll try some of them In sha Allah. May Allah bless you sister and thank you to take the time to write to me :-)

        1. You are very welcome my dear sister, if you would like to stay in touch and need any help with learning English please dont feel shy to contact me. Ive learnt to stay positive slowly, it needs a lot of strength and that strength and goodness is only form Allah SWT – be thankful all the time and do lots of astaghfa May Allah SWT grant us all good in this world and the akhira – Ameen

          1. ow, ok unfortunately i dont have twitter. Lets keep each other in our duas and all the Ummah of our beloved Rasool SAW. I will have to think about how we can stay in touch

  15. jazakallah beautiful comforting article.i was alone in life after reading the article i feel special and not alone.thank you so much!!

  16. Assalamu alaikum

    Dear uhthi

    Masha Allah. The biggest burden is escaping from the wolfs. The men will start to see you as if you will come for free. I hope you understand. And the relatives, neighbors etc.

    our own pity also kill us. Allah swt is the only refuge. have courage. and rely completely on Allah. Try to do something that give you some money. I mean if you dependent on someone that will be burden for them and for us. So first try to do something to support you. And always be cautious about man. Even imams, religious ones.

    Marriage is a part of life. Not life itself. there is much more. try to look for others lives who are not married while success in their lives especially ladies.

    nothing more to pen. May Allah swt help all my sisters marry a good religious men and make this ummah a righteous one.

    Assalamu alaikum

    1. walaikum salam. May Allah bless you and give you reward for reading. Marriage is truly a part of life not life itself. you spoke very wisely. stay blessed and thank you.

  17. Masha’Allah nice article. Thank you for sharing your experience.
    I am a 34 years young woman and also single. I recognize myself in your story. I used to feel very depressed too because of families and other relatives commenting on my situation. “Why aren’t you married yet, you are such a beautiful woman. Don’t be so picky”. At one point I had it and did something out of the box. I thought…I have to do something new…something out of my comfort zone. So, I went abroad all alone to take a language course (very simple, but effective for me). Ever since I have been trying to do all sort of things to meet new people and learn new things. This way my thoughts became positive and now I feel like I can enjoy life to the fullest. I strongly believe Allah (swt) has a purpose for me and all other single Muslim sisters out there. It is up to us to discover what our purpose is by educating ourselves and meeting new people. Of course, I still have ups and downs, but I’ll cry it out overnight and the next day I’ll be up positive again. I haven’t found my purpose in life yet, but I appreciate all the little changes in my life and strongly believe that Allah (swt) will guide me through life and reward me with happiness at the right time in life…Insha’Allah.

    1. Dear Sabah, thank you for ur comments and may Allah give u immense rewards for ur good nature and sabr. I totally understand every word you said. I would advise you not to take this “single” status as a curse. It sure is bit hard, kind of a test but eventually it will pass. Be positive. You’ll find happiness iA with a great man. Just till that happens, try to find the happiness within. This is like the most important part of your life where Allah is giving you time to be with yourself, you know. Take it as a gift. And the beauty of being grateful to Allah is, more doors for blessings open up.
      :)

    2. I know exactly how you feel and understand each word that you are expressing. I am 34 too and in the same boat, im currently visiting family abroad, all I have got from them are hurtful comments and why are you hurting your parents by not marrying? Its not like I dont want to get married, off course I do. Its in Allah (SWT) Divine wisdom, it will happen when it happens if its meant to be. Alhamdulillah, I have kept myself busy and upon reading this article the heart somewhat lifted. Insha’Allah I have been lucky that I have been able to travel and also pursue my hobbies to keep me going. I pray for all the sisters that Allah Most High will facilitate a meaningful life for them and grant you a righteous husband insha’Allah too. Ameen – May He Most High keep you and us all safe and in Emaan. Ameen

  18. salaam
    thank you so much sister for this article. i will must share with my friends and sisters .
    Jazak Allah Khair

    1. Thanks for reading my dear, and you have a very valid question. I suggest u to stay tuned to or in touch with me at my blog, to explore more on this. :)

  19. Assalamu’alaikum sister
    Jazaak Allahu khairan sister i am single 22 yrs old i get lot of madhi discharge i keep on thinking about sexual things i dont want to but sometimes it comes and stays i feel nervous and tired because of these thoughts not able to do my studies also what advice do u have?

    1. walaikum salam sister,
      I hear you and Allah is hearing you too. The best way to combat your desires is to stay in control of your emotions. Watch out for any triggers that lead you towards thinking about things you can’t afford at the moment. Make lots of duas and get yourself busy. A busy mind doesn’t have time to think about such things.

  20. I’m going to turn 26 this year, and as much as I’m trying not be sad, I can’t help it at times. It sucks to be alone…and apparently the fact that I’m 25 is worrisome to some brothers. I don’t want a guy who’s 33 and single who judges me for being 25 and single, but I don’t understand why they have to have that mentality to begin with. Whatever is meant to be will happen though. :(

    1. Dear M, :) calm down. The only way you can have people respect you is to first respect your own situation and personality. The way you treat yourself gives others a view on how to treat you. So be confident. Don’t worry. Being single is not a curse. Not a disease or an infection. It’s just a phase, or a state of being. Nothing to worry about. Surrender your worries to Allah.

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