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  1. Assalam alai kum Sis,

    SubhanAllah, you chose a wonderful topic.
    I can truly relate to what you said and also stand up to what you.
    Empathy is that one emotion that if present that cement a troubled relationship and if absent then weakens the bond dangerously.

    My life as a wife has changed for the better since my husband tries to empathize with me. It calms me down, face things as they really are which is not that big after all! and also rely, respect and love him more for that.

    May Allah swt accept this from you and also help us be more emphatical towards the people in our lives . ameen
    jzk for a wonderful write up

    Sana

    • Jazakillah khair sister. You may not know me but this article has surely been of great inspiration to me.May Allah accept this from you and bless all the marriages of the ummah with great empathic skills.

  2. In the ahadith#3 , I think it is Safiyyah who cried. Why would Hafsa cry when she herself called Safiyyah the daughter of a Jew?

  3. Assalaamu alai kum ,

    Thanks for showing the path of Allah. May Allah grant all muslims to be generous and kind to all.

  4. Waalaikum assalam Dearest sister,
    Jazak Allah khairan for this beautiful article.
    Understanding comes from empathy and I think It is necessary to understand each other feelings,emotions,needs,habits and Respect , respect is the most important factor among spouse then love build in a marvelous shape.that relationship comes from inner connection and without this connection you can,t stay with your spouse.
    That inner connection may be formed before or may be formed after marriage.
    As we see the uswa e rasool (Saw) with His wives that you described in the article.
    well done,Keep it up and move on.
    Allah Hafiz

  5. Al salamo 3alaikom
    Jazakom Allah 5airan
    It’s very useful article, I really enjoyed reading it so much
    Go a head and keep up the great work

  6. Assalamualaikum sister…
    A very good read and inspiring too… hope to hear from u often
    Jazakillahi khayran..

  7. I pray Allaah will continue to blessed your knowledge and reward your effort abundantly as you try to heal some sick Muslim marriages.Jazakalau khair.

  8. Alhamdullillah and Jazakallah Sister Sheima.
    Very useful information about the “connection” between husband and wife. In sha Allah , god willing I have been helping around in the house doing all the daily chores. I think I should go to the mosque more often.
    Many thanks. Asalamualaykum.

  9. As salaam mu alikum,
    Brother this article is very useful for today mis communication and busy schedule, these type of articles face lift the boring life style.and boost the spirit of life as to MOHAMMED pbuh has shown to lead life to correct out self and the best in this worldly life and life here after.Aameen.

  10. I really enjoyed reading the article,although i am not married
    But i am really eager to live that moment when can share feelings and emotions with my partner.

  11. Mashaa Allah. May Allah(SWT) reward you in abundance. Aameen. This article is very useful. And IN SHAA ALLAH I would like to share it with my family and friends. Ma’assalaamah

  12. Assalamualaikum sis,ur article is worth reading and useful enough.More importantly the way of explanation is wonderful,hadeeth-As to how v can Implement And what Msg v get from those hadeeth.Good Jazakillahu khair.May Allah Grant u more n more knowledge

  13. JazakAllah sister. I wish i had read it earlier and understood. Unfortunately, this is the topic which is not appropriately covered in our islamic communities or i must say not openly & frequently explained. It should be addressed and spread with due share. i think our cultural impacts have taken affect on the true understanding of these points/fields.

  14. Masha Allah this article made a lot of sense I will try and apply this to my marriage I hope it will make changes.

  15. I USE ALL INFORMATION TO GAIN IN KNOWLEDGE AND DONT SPARE A MOMENT TO SHARE WITH OTHERS HOPING THEY WILL SEE THE BEAUTY OF THE STRAIGHT WAY AND TRY THEIR BESTTO BE PLEASING TO Allaha and in his mercy be in his pressence in jenna.Ameen.Thanks YF.

  16. Jazkallahu khairan for this post !

    It was a really good read and it has some very
    wise yet important points for both men/women to take away !

    Once again , jazakillah for addressing this !
    I learnt a lot!

  17. Dear Shaima, thank you very much for this good and relevant article. I could very muchvery much relate to it. I will further you your councelling to improve our own marriage. For that I would also like to buy your book referenced below the article. Where can I get it best?

    Thank you and jazaki Allahu kheiran.
    Uasalam
    Eyad

    • Dear Eyad, thank you for your kind words. May Allah (swt) bless you and your family. My book is available on Amazon.com. If you have an Amazon Kindle Device, you can download the e-book version to this device. Please feel free to visit my website howtobeahappymuslim.com for more information. JazakAllah.

  18. Salam aleikum sister :) Barak Allah ofeeki for this article!

    This is an issue that I need to work on and I would like to know whether you can you give more example on how we can start to show empathy to ourselves in a practicle way

    Jazak Allah kheir :)

    • Wa alaikum as salam Um Mohamed. Thank you for your positive words and your great question. Showing empathy towards yourself means that you give yourself care, understanding and kindness. In other words, you treat yourself with kindness. You forgive yourself for your shortcomings and you respect your feelings. If you are feeling sad, you recognize this feeling and try to cope (by talking to a caring person or going for a walk, etc.). If you are feeling confused, you recognize this and turn to Allah (swt) for help. Self-Empathy means that you take care of yourself and look for ways to calm down and feel inner peace. You treat yourself as if you are your own best friend.

  19. Thank you for addressing an important issue in marriage. You hit it on the nail when suggesting,”emotional connection”. Appreciating what one’s spouse is experiencing and providing moral/emotional support is crucial. What most spouses fail to realize is that for the connection to be solid and robust, one must abstain from constant criticism, negative judgments, and hostile approaches and tone. Finding and commenting on your spouses’s good habits, actions, looks, and humor build stronger marriages that will prove emotional rewarding. One must always strive to understand and listen to what their spouse says, after all he/she is the most important person in your life.Thank you for the directions you have given.Keep it up!

  20. nice article,this article inspire me more, may Allah subhanahu wata’Allah grant us understanding.jazakAllahu khaira Sis

  21. Assalamu alaikum sister.

    Jazakillah kher for the article. I am unmarried and I need all these tips!

    I would like to ask for some clarification regarding this point:

    “Many therapists ask family members to talk about an issue from the point of view of another family member”

    How do we do that? I mean, how can we know what the other person might be thinking on a certain issue?

    Could you give an example, please?

    Shukran.

    • Wa alaikum as salam MZ,

      Thank you for your comment and you ask a great question! Yes, we don’t always know what other family members are thinking, so what happens is that we would guess what the other thinking and say that, and then the family member would tell you if you are correct or incorrect in your empathy/understanding. So the point is to try to imagine what the other member is thinking and feeling and then see if your idea is correct.

  22. Salam alaikum,
    Enlightning article i wish our brothers will practice emphaty more often and but cultural barriers noms aside because this lack of empathy is really killing allot of marriage here in Nigeria. Men have been culturally brought up to be strict and emotionless so that the wife will fear and respect them but they fail to realize that empathy brings love and respect. May Allah guide us all to do good Always.

    • Wa alaikum as salam dear Rahana, Thank you so so much for your honest comment. I agree that culture can produce husbands who lack empathy. Islam teaches empathy and mercy, as our Prophet (s) was called in the Quran “A mercy to all the worlds” (Rahmatulil ‘alamin). Mercy is the defining feature of Islam, and mercy requires empathy. You are so right that empathy brings genuine love and respect.

  23. Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullah sis Sheima;)

    Your article is very helpful and very inspiring…I relate so much of your advise and really it makes me feel so blessed. May Allah(swt) guide us always and bless ol ummah w/a beautiful marriage;)

  24. Salam, how do you suppose to empathise when you husband is unnecessarily talking to opposite gender and showing aggression as soon as you ask them why they doing what they doing. The response is always this is who I am. I want my husband to be guided and choose the right path but how I don’t know. FYI-he isn’t flirting it’s just he thinks it’s ok to communicate and be friend with opposite gender.

  25. Very nice post sir
    But I want to discuss with U my case
    I got married 1 & half year ago . because of job we live 1400 km farway . I frequently visit my husband place .but never find any intimacy from his side .he is also a religious. & I also discuss with him , he replied that he is not a warm kind of person. There is very very small things he never do for me , he never call me never msg me for months.I m very sad by his this kind of behaviour. He never invite me on his place , and the limit is , on this eid he passed by my city & didn’t even inform me.I m very sad . praying Allah for help.
    Please suggest me what to do ? How to create intimacy between us?
    Please suggest. Jazak Allah

    • Salam aleykum Naima, I felt sad when reading your comment..I’m not a professional, but what if you tell him and share with him your feelings. Tell him kindly that your dream is that you help each other to satisfy Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala by being an exemplary muslim couple, and that you want to be a support and a source of tranquility for him. Share with him some of the behaviours of the prophet Muhammad (s) with his wives and also some of the behaviours of the wives of the prophet Muhammad (s) toward him, then ask him to help you in trying to be like these perfect wives (the mothers of the believers) by communicating more with you, calling you and sharing with you his days, his thoughts, his problems…Tell him to try at least to do so for the well-being of the couple and the family which is the base of society, and for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. You have to make him understand in the most gentle and wise way the great importance of the relation between husband and wife in Islam and how Islam encourages us to live mercy and empathy inside our couples…
      Finally my dear sister, make dua to Allah, specially in the last third of the night. It is He alone who can change what is in your husband’s heart.
      Again I’m not a professional in this issue. I just shared what, in my lacking point of view, could help insha’Allah.
      May Allah grant you patience and make your couple to be full of love, mercy and empathy. Amin! Amin!